Episode 5 - A Day in the Life (Of Jetstorm)

<Somewhere in Cybertropolis>

Jetstorm: <to aero-drones> There they are, nab them!

Jetstorm and his drones converge on two lone Maximals: Rattrap and Blackarachnia.

Rattrap: Who says "nab" nowadays?  And why are we "lone" when there's two of us?

Blackarachnia: Quiet!  Less talking, more running!

Rattrap: What good are we on foot?  Man oh man, I wish I still had my Transmetal body.  Stupid Jusenkyo virus...

As the aero-drones move in, it starts to rain.

Blackarachnia: Huh?  Oh great.  Now I'm soaked.  Since when does it rain on Cybertron?

Rattrap: Don't you remember the time the Autobots returned to Cybertron via the space bridge to save Optimus Prime's life?  The seekers shot into the clouds to make acid rain...


Bumblebee: Circuits... fusing.  Can't... hold out much... longer.   Goodbye... Spike.

Spike: No!  Get up!  Don't leave me here, it's scary!

Bumblebee: It's.. too late... for me.  Time to... join... the Matrix.

Spike: What will I do without you?  I don't want to lose you!

Bumblebee: Hold me... Spike.


Blackarachnia: Well, maybe it didn't happen exactly like that.

Rattrap: Heh, that's not all, webs.  Take a look at yourself.

Blackarachnia has turned into Tarantulas.  S/he moans.

Blackarachnia/Tarantulas: Fantastic.  How are we supposed to fight them now?

Rattrap: What are you talking about?  You have Tarantulas's body now; you have built in weaponry.

BA/T:  Hey, you're right!  Let's toast 'em!

Jetstorm: No, you can't!  That's no fair!  What about the BS and P?

Rattrap: Eh, tell it to Fox Kids.

Jetstorm: NOOO!

Blackarachnia and Rattrap "slag" Jetstorm.

BA/T: Wasn't that a bit much?

Rattrap: What, you'd rather we blew him away all "nice-y nice-y"-like?

BA/T: Hrmm...

Rattrap: Stop that.  It's scaring me.

They leave.  Jetstorm is alone, the rain having taken care of his drones.

Jetstorm: Curse you!  Curse you all!  What am I supposed to do now?   ... Jetstorm to Megatron.

There is no response, seeing as how the arm with the communications device was shorn off.

Jetstorm: Slag!

Jetstorm spies a nearby warehouse.

Jetstorm: Ah, good.  I bet there's a converted lab in there.  Now, all I have to do is drag myself over...

With his one good arm, Jetstorm pulls himself inside.  He gropes along until he finds a familiar looking machine.

Jetstorm: A CR chamber... excellent.  All I have to do is make the proper settings... what's this?  These are all wrong.  Ah, there we are.

Jetstorm props himself up in the device, labeled Experimental Transwarp Chamber, and passes out... only to wake up elsewhere.

Jetstorm: What the slag is this?  Where am I, and why am I in Jet mode?   Why can't I move?  What is this stuff, plastic?

A large, menacing figure lurks over Jetstorm's incapacitated form.

Spqqky: I have you now, MWAHAHAHA!

Jetstorm: Oh... shit.

<December, 1999 - Inside Phil Bond's Pad - Way Out In the Boonies, Wisconsin>

Phil Bond: Hey, check this out, man.  Spqqky's selling a Jetstorm on eBay!

TheOrange: Dude!  Where does he get this stuff?

Phil Bond: I don't know, but look, here it is!  It's going to go for a lot, isn't it...

TheOrange: Why don't you just wait a month, dude?  If you wait, it will only cost ten bucks.  What is it now?  Fifty?

Phil Bond: Yeah, I know.  I just want to drive up the price.

TheOrange: ...

Phil Bond: Hey, don't worry.  I'll get outbid.

TheOrange: Sure you will.

Phil enters his bid amount, name, and password.

Phil Bond: Well, we're going to find out now, won't we?

TheOrange: How much did you bid for?

Phil Bond: One hundred.

TheOrange: !

Phil Bond: That's amazing!  How did you do that without speaking?

TheOrange: Are you insane?

Phil Bond: I won't win.  I don't can't afford to win.  If I had to pay the actual winning amount, I'd be broke.  Yes, just me and Jetstorm on the corner, begging for handouts... Besides, one should never underestimate last-minute bidders.

Phil Bond reloads the page.

TheOrange: Haha!

Phil Bond: What?

TheOrange: You just won!

Phil Bond: Oh shit.

<Seven business days later>

Phil Bond and Jetstorm are out on State Street in Madison, Wisconsin.

Jetstorm: I blame YOU for this.

<Inside Megatron's Palace of the Disembodied>

Megatron: Tankorr!  NickBee!  Thrust!  Blast it, where are you?   Yeesssss...

The Thrust and NickBee enter.

NickBee: Everybody (YEAH!), rock your body (YEAH!), everybody...

Megatron: Please don't finish.

NickBee: But boss, the Vehicons are back (ALRIGHT!)!

Megatron: Yessssss... I see that.  I have called you here because Jetstorm has gone missing.  I want the three of you to find... where is Tankorr?

NickBee: Uh, we don't know, boss.  He kinda disappears lately.

Megatron: Great Primus... When you find Jetstorm, find Tankorr as well.   And don't come back if you fail.  I mean it this time!  Yessssss...

<December 1999 - State Street - Madison, Wisconsin>

Phil Bond: Anyone have food to spare?  A buck?  Anything?

Jetstorm: What does this serve?  Why are we not subjugating these weakling fools?

Phil Bond: What are you talking about?

Jetstorm: I will tell you what I am talking aboot!  I am talking aboot...

Phil Bond: Haha!

Jetstorm: What?

Phil Bond: <ignoring Jetstorm> Anyone?  A copy of the Onion?   Sex?  Anything?

Jetstorm: Why aren't we staying with this "girlfriend" of yours?   She has 24-hour visitation rights, doesn't she?

Phil Bond: Anyone?  I'll sell this deluxe Beast Machines Jetstorm toy to you for only thirty bucks!

Jetstorm: Hey!

A familiar pair walk up to Phil.

Geever: Hey, look, it's Phil!

Crawley: Hey man, what are you doing out here by yourself?

Phil / Jetstorm: <pointing at eachother> It's his fault.

Geever: Woah!  Is that a Jetstorm?  Where did you get it?

Phil Bond: From Spqqky on eBay.

Crawley: Dude, you must have spent a lot on that.  Why didn't you just wait a month?  If you had waited you could have gotten him for ten bucks.  What did he cost?  Fifty?

Phil Bond:  Something like that.  But I can sell him to you for one hundred!  It's a real bargain.

Crawley: What's the point?  I think I'll wait.

Phil Bond: Isn't it worth it just to be the first to have one?

Geever: The man has a point, Crawley.

Crawley: Sorry.  I'm outta here.

Geever: <to Phil> Hey man, here's five bucks.  I'll be back later, and we can talk business then, okay?

Crawley and Geever leave.

Jetstorm: I'm outta here.

Phil Bond: Hey, where are you going?

Jetstorm: I am SICK and TIRED of your incompetence!  It's your fault we ended up in this god-awful place...

Phil Bond: But look, I have a Pikachu!  Pika! Pika!

Jetstorm: ARRRGH!  Jetstorm: AmScray!

Jetstorm flies off in a fit of rage.

Phil Bond: That's funny.  I thought he liked Pokémon...

<In the warehouse/converted-lab area of Cybertropolis>

Thrust: I found something.

NickBee: NickBee: Hot-ass mode!

Thrust stares.

NickBee: What?

Thrust transforms into robot mode as well.

NickBee: What is that?

Thrust: I think it's part of Jetstorm... his arm.

NickBee: >GASP!< Is this the end?

Thrust: No, there's a trail of mech fluid that leads into that converted warehouse.

NickBee: What are we waiting for?  We're larger than life, let's go inside.

Thrust: I hate you.  Really, I do.

<Inside the Lab>

NickBee: Tankorr!

Tankorr: It is I.

Thrust: Megatron's been looking for you.

Tankorr: Has he now...

NickBee: Hey, is that a CR chamber?  Sweet!  I've been looking forward to a little R&R.

Tankorr hits NickBee in the face.

NickBee: Ow!  My follicles!

Tankorr: Fool!  This is no CR chamber, but rather a primitive transwarp test engine.

Thrust: So?

Tankorr: Jetstorm's inside.

Thrust/NickBee: What?!

Thrust: You can see him in there?

Tankorr: Indeed.

NickBee: So let's bust him out!

Tankorr: It's not that simple!  Transwarp technology traverses both time AND space.  Fixing this could be... tricky.

NickBee: What is there to fix?  Open it up!

Tankorr: It's activated right now.  This is an older model that runs on a quantum drive.  It's physically divided him.  Half of him is here, with us.   The other half is... elsewhere.

Thrust: Where and when is he?

Tankorr: From all indications, Earth, 1999.

Nickbee: Hey, the height of my career!

Thrust: <ignoring NickBee> So what do we do?

Tankorr: I entice him to come back.  I will send an agent to do my bidding.

NickBee: <to Thrust> doesn't he sound a little like Megatron?

<December, 1999 - Lake Monona - Madison, Wisconsin>

Jetstorm: Here ducky ducky ducky...

Jetstorm lunges at a mallard, which shifts slightly, sending Jetstorm into the water.

Jetstorm: That's it!  No more Mr. Nice Bad Guy!  Jetstorm: Slow roast!

Jestorm transforms into jet mode and blows the bird away.

Jetstorm: Hahaha!  Take that you insolent fleshling!

A fish's head pops out of the water, just as Phil Bond runs up to Jetstorm, out of breath.

Fur-Bearing Trout: Pssst!  Jetstorm!

Jetstorm: What?  Who said that?

Fur-Bearing Trout: It is I.

Jetstorm: ACK!  What are you supposed to be?

Fur-Bearing Trout: The Fur-Bearing Trout.

Phil Bond: But trout don't live in Lake Monona!  It's too toxic!

FBT: That's not important right now.  Jetstorm, I have come to take you back to Cybertron.

Jetstorm: Uh huh.

FBT: Enter my maw... come on.  Who are you going to trust?

Phil Bond: You aren't going anywhere!  I can still resell you on eBay.

Jetstorm: Okay, I'm with you fishy.

Fishy: Hey!

Reality warps...

<Back on Cybertron>

The chamber pops open.

Jetstorm: Where am I?

NickBee: Back with us.  Hey, how was Earth?

Jetstorm: Horrible!  It was horrible!  I had this nightmare where I was really tiny, my entire body was different, and I had legs!  My heart is still racing.  Take my pulse.

Thrust: You don't HAVE a pulse...

Jetstorm: It must have been a dream...

NickBee: Then what's that?

On the side of Jetstorm's head is a lone sticker that reads "Property of Phil Bond."