Episode 9D/12 - The Freak Component

<Inside Megatron's House of Eternal Funk>

<Narrator>: It was like any other day on Cybertron...

Megatron: I have you now, Rattrap!  Once I put the rest of your pestering organic comrades out of commission, nothing short of Phil Bond could possibly stand in my way of total dominion over Cybertron!  Yeeessssss...

<Narrator>: Except for that.

Mr. Bamt: ..........you should have known better than to cross me..............kiddie

Rattrap: I'm bringing you down, Megatron!

Megatron: Could you? <tugs at his cable> I seem to be stuck.   Yessssss...

<Narrator>: Eh, perhaps I should start at the beginning...

<Amidst primordial energies before our universe existed>

God #1: Hey there, baby.  What do you say to a little premarital hanky panky?

God #2: Okay!

Much godly moaning, groaning, and countless millennia later.

God #2: Oh, GOD!

God #1: That would be me!

Moments later, a baby is born.

God #2: Primus!

God #1: Indeed.  What a good name for our child!

<Narrator>: No, no no no no!  Not THAT beginning!

<In some nondescript Vehicon factory>

<Narrator>: That's better.  We were on an information gathering mission, strictly recon.  However, we ran into a little trouble...

Cheetor: CHARGE!

Nightscream: What's the point?  Every time we knock one down, two take their place!

Rattrap: Hello!  Look around!  We're in a Vehicon factory, here!

Cheetor <swinging his swords wildly>:  Nightscream!  Take out all the aerodrones!

Nightscream: Nothing doing.  I can only be effective during my character introduction episode.  Any more of this and I'll blow my capacitors.

Rattrap: Sweet baby Primus in a dune buggy.  <looking away> Cheetor, what are you doing?

Cheetor <waving his arms around wildly>: I'm blocking the shots!

Rattrap: They aren't firing at you!

Cheetor: Right... I knew that.

Rattrap: Put those silly things away and help me.  We gotta hack into Megatron's computer like the boss monkey told us to.

Cheetor: Don't give me orders, Optimus left ME in charge.

Rattrap: Eh, whatever you say, Hot Rod.

Cheetor <really pissed off>: I...

Smashes into a tank drone.

Cheetor: AM...

Downs three aerodrones.

Cheetor: NOT...

Tips over a line of cycledrones.

Cheetor: HOT ROD!!!

<Narrator>: Perhaps I had underestimated the cat...

Rattrap: Eh.  Whatever works, I guess.  Beast Mode!

Rattrap plug his tail into the wall.

Nightscream: Hey, you can't do that, you don't have your technorganic body anymore!

Rattrap shoots Nightscream.

Rattrap: That's enough out of you, Leonardo DiCaprio.

Nightscream: Guh... how did you shoot me in Beast Mode?

Rattrap shoots him again.

Rattrap: Quiet, I'm busy!

<Narrator>: Optimus had given us orders to hack into Megatron's central computer.  He didn't tell us what we were looking for, only said, "You'll know it when you see it."  It's anyone's guess what the Buddha Monkey is doing right know.

<Elsewhere on Cybertron>

Primal: Don't call me "Buddha Monkey!!!"

<Narrator>: Eh, right.  Sorry.

Just then, all the lights in Cybertron go out.

<Inside Megatron's Unofficial AllSpark>

Drone: Your rubber ducky, sire?

Megatron: <in the bathtub> Suddenly I feel weak, very weak.   Yeesssss...

<Back at the Vehicon factory>

Rattrap: Hey, Megatron's weak.  Really weak!


Megatron: <playing with his rubber ducky> I said "very."   Yessssss...

<Vehicon Factory>

Rattrap:  Whatever.  Nightscream, come with me.  Cheetor, hold things together while we're gone.

Cheetor: Yay!  I'm in charge!

Nightscream: Don't let it go to your head.

<Narrator>: It was all up to the two of us now, and I knew just what I had to do...

<Three seconds later>

Nightscream: Ow!

Rattrap: Hold still so I can shoot you!

Nightscream: Guh.  Light... fading...

<Narrator>: ... but I knew it would not be enough

<By the river bank>

Rattrap: Pull!

Benny: Quick, gimme a gun!

Tankorr: Get your own!

Rattrap: Good, now while they're distracted...

<Inside Megatron's Bordello of Geometric Forms>

<Narrator>: I burst into the Citadel like no one's business...

Rattrap: I've come to finish this, Megatron!

<Narrator>: What I see frightens me to my central processor.

Rattrap: What in the name of my Great Aunt Arcee is goin' on here?

Diagnostic Drone: <to Phil> May I speak to you for a moment?

Phil Bond: Sure.

Megatron: So this is how the world ends.  Not with a bang, but with a quickie while the base is under attack.

Rattrap: I think you know why I'm here.

Megatron: Yes.  You feel estranged from your Maximal friends.  You're useless to your comrades and upset at Cheetor usurping your power.  And you want me to give you weapons.  Yeeessss...

Rattrap:  No.  Actually I came by to talk to your drone.

Megatron: Oh.

Rattrap: This is it for you, Megatron.  Your power is gone...

<A lab somewhere>

Blackarachnia: Oh crap...


Rattrap: Your Vehicons are incapacitated...

<Jetstorm's Quarters>

All: Go Pikachu!

NickBee: Digivolve!

The other Vehicons stare.

NickBee: What?


Rattrap: Face it.  You're beaten.

Megatron: Yeessss...  Of course.  Your logic is infallible.  But would you at least consider my offer?

Mr. Bamt rolls out of a chamber onto the floor.

Megatron: My general here has felt somewhat remiss since his foul-mouthed organic of a partner went missing.

Mr. Bamt: apologize.............apologize and ill forget everything you ever did to me................

Rattrap: This is a terribly funny joke, right?

Mr. Bamt: i heard that kiddie..................im the guardian of this planet.................and your going to help me guard it.

Rattrap: What is he-- hey hey HEY!

Mr. Bamt transforms into robot mode and grabs Rattrap.

Megatron: It seems that the tables have turned Rattrap.  You should have considered my offer.  Yessss...

Rattrap: What, you mean from episode 8?

Megatron: Yes, that would be the one.  I could have made you the most powerful robot on Cybertron... next to myself of course.  You understand my need for superiority.

Rattrap: Great, now what am I going to do?

Megatron: Isn't it obvious?  I will use you to keep myself safe for one solar cycle.  And, with you out of the way, that boob Cheetor will be leading the Maximals.  Yeessssss...

<Elsewhere on Cybertron, but not the same elsewhere as any previous elsewhere>

Cheetor: Yay!  I'm in charge!

Blackarachnia: So you said.

Cheetor: Pet me!

Blackarachnia: I already said "NO!"

<Back inside that really big, dark place>

<Narrator>: Which brings us to now.

Mr. Bamt: so..........if soundwave and terrorclaw duked it out.............who do you think would land the first punch........?

Rattrap: I don't care!

Mr. Bamt: apologize.....................to my face..................

Cheetor: Let him go, Megatron!

<Narrator>: Great, the cavalry is here...

Megatron: Ratty Bamt!  Eliminate them!

Blackarachnia: What's going on here, Rattrap?  And what's with the fancy duds?

<Narrator>: Since when was she from Cyberbrooklynis?

Rattrap: Guys!  Don't let him make me do this!

Mr. Bamt begins the beatdown, and starts by shooting Nightscream.

Nightscream: ARGH!  Does it never end!?

Mr. Bamt: nuthins gonna stand in our way!...................bow bow, wow, bow wow!

Megatron: Hmmm... my most effective general yet... Yesssss...

<Narrator>: And, of course -- just our luck -- this is the part where Megatron gets reenergized.

Megatron: Oh yessss....

Boom chick!  Chicka chicka!

Megatron: Ooooohhh yessssss...

Boom chick!  Chicka chicka!

<Narrator>: My team was down, but not out...

Cheetor: It's time to go on the offensive.

Blackarachnia: And who are we offending now?

Dramatic pause.

Cheetor: Everyone.

<Narrator>: And then, out of nowhere...

Primal: Rattrap, hold!  What do you mean by firing on your friends?

Rattrap: Mr. Bamt is making me do this!

Primal: Oh.  In that case... Cheetor!  What do you  mean by not not taking a bath?

Cheetor: But Optimus, you said you'd make me some pie first!

Primal: But where are your mittens Cheetor... where are your mittens?

Cheetor puts his swords down, looks at the ground, and scuffles his feet.

Primal: Mr. Bamt, listen to me.  You don't need Rattrap to be complete.

Mr. Bamt: silence kiddie.................im trying to save this planet.......................and your in my way!

Megatron: With Rattrap as his "master," Mr. Bamt is now the most powerful soldier under my command.  The most powerful in all of Cybertron!

Primal: Cut the crap Megatron, Mr. Bamt doesn't need some useless rat to tell him what to do.  He's stronger than you know.

Rattrap: Hey!

Primal: Mr. Bamt, I feel the pain in your spark.  You strive for acceptance, but everywhere you turn you see enemies.

Mr. Bamt's claws lower.  Rattrap struggles free.

Primal: Ever since you came online you've been ridiculed and outcast.  And though you beg for the apologies due to you, you haven't received them.  Receive them from me, Mr. Bamt.  Join the Maximals.

Rattrap jumps away.  Mr. Bamt looks at the ground.

Mr. Bamt: ... yes.  Yes!  For the first time in my life, I have found someone who understands me!  I have been such a fool...

Everyone stares at Mr. Bamt.

Mr Bamt: I mean.... <transforms into a moletank> apologize.................right now......................to my face.

Rattrap: Let's get out of here!

Nightscream: I second that.

Primal: Maximals, hightail it!

The Maximals run like mad.  The diagnostic drone flies up next to Megatron.

Drone: You're letting them go, sire?  Why do you not pursue?

Megatron: Because <tugs on his cable> I'm still attached to the ceiling.

Drone: Ah.

<Elsewhere on Cybertron>

Tankorr: The storm gathers on the horizon.  All the pieces are in place.   Soon, we shall strike...

Benny: That's great.  Now sit yo' heavy metal ass down and gimme another card, foo'!

The End