|Episode 6 - The Amazing Mr. Bamt
<Inside Jetstorm's Quarters>
Jetstorm: Haha! Pika pika! That's so cute! Haha!
NickBee: I don't get it.
Jetstorm: Quiet, he's beating up Jesse and James!
Jetstorm: <with the TV> "It looks like team rocket is blasting off agaaaaaaain!"
NickBee: Are you still wearing that sticker?
Jetstorm: Don't touch that! It's a souvenir!
NickBee: This blows Ricky Martin. I'm going outside to practice my dance steps.
Jetstorm: Have fun.
The TV goes blank.
He pounds on the set.
<The Maximal Base>
Primal: This is horrible, horrible!
Nightscream: What's up, boss?
Primal: The cable just went out! I was watching "The Matrix," you know, looking for inspiration. Buddha Buddha Buddha!
Nightscream: Why didn't you just interface with the Oracle?
Primal: Because... I believe someone has tampered with the Oracle.
Dum dum DUM!
Nightscream: Where did that come from?
Rattrap transforms and shoots Nightscream in the wing.
Rattrap: Shut up. What was that about the Oracle, boss-monkey?
Primal: Nothing important. Oh, where were we? Ah, yes... We are here today to acknowledge our dear departed friend, Rhinox...
<At the Citadel entrance>
Nickbee and his BumbleCons are out in front doing a dance number.
NickBee: And 1, 2, 3, kick, sliiide, 6, 7, turn! 1, 2, jump, sliiiide, kick!, 6, 7, turn!
A bumblecon falls out of formation, causing an entire row to collapse.
NickBee: You bumbling idiot! You're messing up my routine! Do you know how long it took me to put this together? Do you!?
NickBee cries mech-fluid.
Megatron: <from inside the Citadel> NickBee!!
Nickbee: Uh oh, vending-machine-dragon boy sounds mad. Take five everyone. We'll shoot the video tomorrow.
NickBee: Yeah, I'm coming. Why don't you get me a Mellow Yellow, while you're at it...
Megatron: I heard that!
The three surviving Vehicons, Jetstorm, NickBee, and Thrust stand before Megatron.
Megatron: When was the last time you saw Tankorr? That is... before his demise.
The Vehicons think.
Inside the converted lab/warehouse from A Day in the Life...
Jetstorm: What the slag are you pointing at?
NickBee peels a sticker from Jetstorm's head.
Jetstorm: What does it say?
Thrust: Weren't you paying attention last episode?
Jetstorm: You expect me to remember things from fic to fic? This isn't even a multi-parter!
Tankorr: I must go now...
Jetstorm: Hold up. You're pretty cool now. Why don't you come watch Pokémon with us?
Tankorr: I have things to do that are KEY to my plans...
Thrust: Say what?
Tankorr: I am plotting my VECTOR of escape as we speak.
Tankorr: I cannot reveal all to you! What do I look like, an ORACLE?
Jetstorm: What the hell is he talking about?
Tankorr: I need to go fake my own death and reprogram the diagnostic drone, now. Goodbye!
Jetstorm: I can't think of where he might have gone, my liege.
Megatron: I see... yeeessss...
Jetstorm: Your army will shine less... wait, what am I saying?!
Megatron: Fortunately, I have prepared for such a contingency. Yeesssss...
Jetstorm: Let's not forget your last attempt to replace him when he went AWOL.
Megatron: Arise, Tankorr!
Tankorr: Me am here! Me Grimlock smash--
Megatron: Ah ha ha ha! No no, my friend. Your name is *Tankorr.* Tankorr, remember? Yessss...
Tankorr: Me Tankorr am transformed!
Megatron: No! "Tankorr, PULVERIZE!" Yessss...
Tankorr: Me am confused...
Megatron: Yesssss... that didn't quite work, did it? Noooo...
Thrust: And then you sent us after the Maximals.
Our friendly Maximals are enjoying a mid-evening picnic and telling stories of old atop a structure shaped like Kryten's head.
Rattrap: ...and that's when old chopper-face flicked a little speck of dino-meat off his teeth!
Nightscream: That's disgusting!
Blackarachnia stares up at the night sky.
Diagnostic Drone: <high in orbit, next to Unicron's head> Gotta... push... head into... position... for... nighttime shot!
Rattrap: What was that, webs?
Blackarachnia: ... doesn't anyone ever notice how it's always nighttime around here?
Primal: <wearing his shades> How do you mean?
Blackarachnia: You do realize you look just like... oh, never mind...
Cheetor: Optimus, get back into beast mode! You'll endanger the mission!
Primal: Yeah yeah, whatever.
Cheetor: Optimus, you obviously aren't feeling well. You're going to get us all killed. I think it's time I took over.
Primal: Sure, knock yourself out, kid.
Blackarachnia: Perhaps you should listen to Cheetor, Optimus, we don't want to attract any--
The three Vehicon leaders enter the scene in a completely unnecessary anime-esque clip.
Nightscream: Here we go again. We get to fight the Vehicons and escape without a scratch on us.
Rattrap: Speak for yourself, wings. Rattrap MAXIMIZE!
Nightscream: Ulp. Not again...
Cheetor jumps onto one of the Vehicons
Cheetor: I got Tankorr!
Blackarachnia: No, he's mine!
Rattrap: Shouldn't you be off waxing Thrust's rigid grill structure?
Primal covers Rattrap's mouth.
Primal: Rattrap, please! Not in front of the boy!
Nightscream: Hey, who are you calling a boy?!
Rattrap shoots him in the kneecap.
Rattrap: Heh heh heh.
Cheetor: Hey guys, check me out!
Tankorr to careens wildly all over the top of the building, with Cheetor holding on fast.
Cheetor: What do you say I send him over the edge?
Primal: Cheetor, no! This is Tankorr's replacement! We can't make him look bad on his first mission!
Cheetor: <whining> But, Optimuuus! You said I could be in charge until you got your strength back!
Primal: Really Cheetor, I'm feeling fine.
Cheetor: BUT I WANNA PUSH TANKORR OVER THE EDGE!
Rattrap: Shut up, Hot Rod.
Cheetor: I AM NOT HOT ROD!
Tankorr: Tankorr SMASH cat-bot!
Tankorr's gun careens wildly, knocking Cheetor off the building.
Nightscream goes to save Cheetor, and Rattrap shoots him in the wing.
Nightscream: Ow! What'd you do that for? I was trying to save Cheetor!
Rattrap: Eh... oops?
Primal: Forget about that, the Vehicons have priority!
Optimus smashes Thrust and Jetstorm together and throws them at Tankorr.
Thrust: Were are my legs? Why can't I feel my legs?!
Nightscream: You don't have any legs, just a stupid a wheel, duh.
Thrust: <dazed> Richie?
Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the face.
Nightscream: No! My beautiful nose!
Primal: I can't deal with that now!
Megatron: Yessss... I mean NO! That is all over with. I have created a new general, even more powerful than Tankorr! Yessss...
NickBee: You said "Yessss" twice in the same sentence.
Megatron: Silence! Yesssss... Vehicons. Meet your new comrade... Mr. Bamt!
A mole tank rolls out onto the floor.
NickBee: Cool beans! Mr. Limpet!
Megatron: No, you organic cretin! Mr. Bamt!
NickBee: That's what I said.
Megatron: Yes, ah, Mr. Bamt? Transform and show them what you've got! Yessss...
Mr. Bamt pops, whizzes, and whirrs, and finally transforms.
Thrust: Dear Primus!
NickBee: It's hideous!
Jetstorm: It's even uglier than Bulbasaur's naughty bits!
Mr. Bamt: apologize......apologize to me right now.......to my face!
NickBee: Sure thing kid... uh... where is it?
Mr. Bamt: look at you........you are all acting like little eight-year olds!
Megatron: Vehicons! I order you to take Mr. Bamt to complete his first task: destroy the Maximals once and for all!
Thrust: You always say that.
Megatron: Perhaps, but this is a new episode. Circumstances are bound to fall in our favor. Yessss...
Mr. Bamt: I won't behave......YOU behave!
Megatron: Er, yeessss. Mr. Bamt will control Tankorr's drones. Now, be gone! And don't come back if you fail! I really really mean it this time! Yessss...
<Somewhere on the surface>
Cheetor: Man, how do they find us?
Blackarachnia: It's not hard, considering you strut around in robot mode all day.
Cheetor: Well duh. Do you know how hard is it to eat pie with cat feet?
Rattrap: Man oh man, we're surrounded, there's no way out!
Cheetor: I say we make a run for it!
Nightscream: Where to? There are dozens of drones in the sky, and three times as many on the ground.
Rattrap: Rattrap, Maximize!
Rattrap shoots Nightscream.
Rattrap: Shut up.
Primal: We don't have time for that! Maximals, transform!
The Maximals transform, except for Rattrap, who again has avoided a continuity error.
Nightscream: If that's what you want to call it.
Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the wing.
Primal: Where is Blackarachnia?
Rattrap: Eh, she's still not back from recovering Silverbolt.
Nightscream: If that's what you want to call it.
Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the wing.
Rattrap: You just aren't going to learn, are you kid?
Jetstorm: Mr. Bamt! What are you doing? Attack with your drones!
Mr. Bamt: no......
Thrust: What? We need you to close in on the Maximals!
Mr. Bamt: apologize..........apologize for everything that you ever said to me..............and i'll slag the maximals.
NickBee: I'm sorry! I was Mr. Happy Meal!
Jetstorm: Say what?
NickBee: I didn't say that, honest! He made me do it!
Mr. Bamt: did not........listen kiddie.......why don't you go to a planet that wants you........this planet needs to be saved............and i'm saving it!
Jetstorm: >GASP!< he sounds just like Tank--
Jetstorm: I mean Megatron. Yeah... that's the ticket.
Mr. Bamt: apologize........and i will forget everything you ever did to me........
Jetstorm: Oh get real, we don't owe you any apology! You've been acting childish ever since you came online!
Mr. Bamt: i give up on you...............i'm leaving for a better place.
Mr. Bamt engages his thrusters and disappears into the night sky.
Primal: Maximals, attack!
Vehicons: Uh oh.
<Back at Megatron's place of perpetually dead people>
Megatron: You guys suck! I should dismantle the lot of you. Yessss...
Jetstorm: It's not our fault, sir. Uh, sir... why are you wearing a blonde wig?
Megatron: Hmm? Oh, my drone told me it was in fashion this time of the year. Yessss...
Diagnostic Drone: Fool, I will crush you and Primal with my bare hands!
Tankorr: <into drone's communication link> No! Don't say that!
Drone: I mean, "cool, that Pikachu is playing with Misty's cans."
Jetstorm: Really? Where?
Megatron: Where did Mr. Bamt go? Yesssss...
<High in orbit>
Mr. Bamt: apologize........right now!
Mr. Bamt: you are immature........argh!!!