Episode 1 - Rattrap 1/2

Rattrap runs quickly down a tunnel.

Rattrap:  Jeez, that damned lab has to be here somewhere....

Rattrap hops up through a hole and finds himself face to face with...

Blackarachnia:  Guess the Sewers weren't faster this time, huh.

Rattrap:  Man, you practically scared the swiss outa.. Damnit!  I hate these cheese references!

Blackarachnia: Then why don't you just *stop* making them!

Rattrap: I can't! For some reason it's built into the programming of the new body!  Not to mention that it makes me act like I'm five....

Blackarachnia: Yeah, I've noticed.  That still doesn't explain why you ran away from base.

Rattrap:  Look around, webby.  What do you see.

Blackarachnia looks around for the first time.

Blackarachnia:  It's a lab.  Suprise suprise.  This is Cybertron.  There are a lot of these around.

Rattrap: <sigh> Y'just don't get it kid.

Rattrap trots over to a console.

Rattrap:  I found this place a few days ago.  There's a rather unique virus on the files.  It's a regression virus

Blackarachnia:  A what?

Rattrap: A Regression Virus.  The "Jusenkyo" virus to be exact.  It morphs you to a previous state.

Blackarachnia:  What good is that.

Rattrap: Well, if you haven't noticed... I AM TRANSFORMED!

Rattrap transforms.

Rattrap: I look like an idiot!  Hmm, and where the hell did the oracle put guns?  Nowhere! I'm a frickin' sharp shooter for Primus' sake!

Blackarachnia:  Are you crazy!  Megatron will have the Vehicons here any minute!

<Meanwhile, at the Megatron's Lair>

Megatron:  Yessss, a Maximal has yet again done something incredibly stupid.  Yesssss.  Now, what shall I do.  JETSTORM!!

Jetstorm: (From his room) What is it!  Pokemon is on!

Megatron: (Rolls his eyes)  As the only intelligent Vehicon not thinking with his Rigid Grill Structure, I need you to perform a mission. Yesssss.

Jetstorm: But Pokemon is on!

Megatron:  GO NOW! Yessssss.

Jetstorm:  Sure.  <to himself> as soon as the 20 hour Pokemon marathon is over.

<Back at the lab>

Rattrap:  Don't worry.  I've been working on this.  All I have to do is download it and....

Rattrap plugs his tail into the wall. 

Computer:  Reformatting to modified older form.

Rattrap lifts and glows -- and is returned to his original Beast Wars model.

Rattrap:  All right!

Rattrap flips out his pistol.

Rattrap: Nightscream is going to find life a little more interesting.

Blackarachnia:  What are you doing!  Are you insane!  What about the virus!

Blackarachnia swings a leg at the console.

Rattrap: NO! Stop!

Blackarachnia suddenly is covered in sparking energy and begins to morph...

...into Tarantulas!!

Rattrap: Holy shit!

Blackarachnia/Tarantulas:  What are you yelling about.

Rattrap:  Look at yourself!

B/T:  <Looking down> Holy shit!

Rattrap:  That's what I said!  Is that still you Blackarachnia?

B/T:  Last time I checked...

Rattrap:  The Virus wasn't set for you....  And you must have had Tarantulas' pattern left over from your Predicon days and...  man oh man. 

B/T:  What the hell am I going to do!

Rattrap:  I don't know, come on, lets get out of here. 

Rattrap returns to beast mode and hops into the sewers.

Blackarachnia (still looking like Tarantulas) transforms and hops in after him. When he/she hits the water.. she returns to her Beast Machine's form.

Blackarachnia:  What the?  I'm back to my reformatted body.

Rattrap:  Weird, the virus is supposed to stay stable..  Lets get you back to base.

Suddenly a steam vent covers Blackarachnia in hot water... and she ends up as Tarantulas again...

Blackarachnia: I'm beginning to see a pattern.

<Back at Meg's big place of Evil people>

Jetstorm:  Hehe, Pikachu is so funny. "pika! Pika!" hahaha

Megatron: JETSTORM!

Jetstorm:  Oh shit.

<The Maximal Base>

Rattrap, and the Tarantulas looking Blackarachnia enter the area.

Rattrap: You better stay outside the door.  I'll go in first.  Eh, Optimus?  Cheetor?  Dickhea... I mean Nightscream?

Primal: <sitting in lotus position with back to door>  What is it Rattrap?  I'm becoming one with the matrix here! buddha buddha buddha...

Rattrap:  We have a slight situation.

Primal: <turns and faces him> What is... oh my.  This is new.

Rattrap: Old actually.

Primal: Whatever.  Didn't we reformat you?

Rattrap:  Yeah!  Well, it sucked.  Rattrap MAXIMIZE!

Rattrap returns to robot form.

Nightscream enters.

Nightscream:  What the hell?  Who are you!

Rattrap:  Shut up. <shoots Nightscream in the wing knocking Nightscream to the ground>

Cheetor enters gratuitously because everyone else was in on the action, and this is an ensemble show.  I mean hey, we're trying to sell toys that won't be out until after Christmas...

Cheetor:  Whoa, Rattrap.  What the hell is going on?

Primal:  Yes.  Do explain.

Rattrap:  Well, before I do, maybe you should see this.

Blackarachnia enters, looking like Tarantulas


Blackarachnia: I'm Blackarachnia, sorry about this.

<Meg's house of eternal badness>

Jetstorm: But Megatron!  I was just about to...

Megatron:  That was four hours ago! Yessss...

Jetstorm: Yeah, but it's Pokemon....

Megatron: Enough, insolent whelp!  <Megatron retreats>.  It looks as though I may need to create a new Vehicon design... Yesss.  A new approach...  I must destroy them with what they hate the most... yessssss.....

<Maximal Home-turf>

Cheetor:  So, Hot water turns her into Tarantulas, and cold water returns her to normal.

Rattrap:  Exactly!

Cheetor: Can I have some pie now?

Rattrap:  No bumblebee, you can't.

Cheetor: I AM NOT BUMBLEBEE!  <Runs away>

Primal:  That still doesn't explain why Megatron's virus doesn't effect you.  How can you function?

Rattrap:  Well, as far as I can guess the Jusenkyo virus keeps it out of my system...

Nightscream:  Why is Blackarachnia changing?

Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the wing.

Rattrap:  Shut up flyboy.

Primal:  You really have to stop doing that.  And get back into beast mode for the sake of Primus!

<A voice from above>:  Too late for that!

The Maximals look up and see a blurry yellow car shape falling towards them...

Blackarachnia (now back in regular form):  BumbleBee?

Voice:  Not quite.

What lands in front of her, can only be described as SCARY.

Voice (to the tune of "Larger than Life"): Hey Max-i-mals can't you see, can't you see?
Megatron has combined me with Bum-ble-bee!
They copied my face... From a ReBoot sprite...
Surrender now or Prepare to fight!

Cheetor (who is miraculously back): Oh my god, it's BumbleBee with Nick from the Backstreet Boy's head on it!

Rattrap: He looks exactly like he did in that Larger than Life Video.

Nightscream:  You do realize that we aren't supposed to know this stuff....

Rattrap:  Shut up!  <shoots Nightscream in the wing>

NickBee:  I am NickBee!  And my drones will finish you off.  BumbleCons!  Attack!

A stream of yellow drones enter the room.

Primal:  I recommend running.

Cheetor:  I'm a fan of that!

The Maximals run like Hell

>To be Continued

Next time on The Lost Episodes:

NickBee: Quit playing games, Everybody! (NickBee's back!)