|Episode 1 - Rattrap 1/2
Rattrap runs quickly down a tunnel.
Rattrap: Jeez, that damned lab has to be here somewhere....
Rattrap hops up through a hole and finds himself face to face with...
Blackarachnia: Guess the Sewers weren't faster this time, huh.
Rattrap: Man, you practically scared the swiss outa.. Damnit! I hate these cheese references!
Blackarachnia: Then why don't you just *stop* making them!
Rattrap: I can't! For some reason it's built into the programming of the new body! Not to mention that it makes me act like I'm five....
Blackarachnia: Yeah, I've noticed. That still doesn't explain why you ran away from base.
Rattrap: Look around, webby. What do you see.
Blackarachnia looks around for the first time.
Blackarachnia: It's a lab. Suprise suprise. This is Cybertron. There are a lot of these around.
Rattrap: <sigh> Y'just don't get it kid.
Rattrap trots over to a console.
Rattrap: I found this place a few days ago. There's a rather unique virus on the files. It's a regression virus
Blackarachnia: A what?
Rattrap: A Regression Virus. The "Jusenkyo" virus to be exact. It morphs you to a previous state.
Blackarachnia: What good is that.
Rattrap: Well, if you haven't noticed... I AM TRANSFORMED!
Rattrap: I look like an idiot! Hmm, and where the hell did the oracle put guns? Nowhere! I'm a frickin' sharp shooter for Primus' sake!
Blackarachnia: Are you crazy! Megatron will have the Vehicons here any minute!
<Meanwhile, at the Megatron's Lair>
Megatron: Yessss, a Maximal has yet again done something incredibly stupid. Yesssss. Now, what shall I do. JETSTORM!!
Jetstorm: (From his room) What is it! Pokemon is on!
Megatron: (Rolls his eyes) As the only intelligent Vehicon not thinking with his Rigid Grill Structure, I need you to perform a mission. Yesssss.
Jetstorm: But Pokemon is on!
Megatron: GO NOW! Yessssss.
Jetstorm: Sure. <to himself> as soon as the 20 hour Pokemon marathon is over.
<Back at the lab>
Rattrap: Don't worry. I've been working on this. All I have to do is download it and....
Rattrap plugs his tail into the wall.
Computer: Reformatting to modified older form.
Rattrap lifts and glows -- and is returned to his original Beast Wars model.
Rattrap: All right!
Rattrap flips out his pistol.
Rattrap: Nightscream is going to find life a little more interesting.
Blackarachnia: What are you doing! Are you insane! What about the virus!
Blackarachnia swings a leg at the console.
Rattrap: NO! Stop!
Blackarachnia suddenly is covered in sparking energy and begins to morph...
Rattrap: Holy shit!
Blackarachnia/Tarantulas: What are you yelling about.
Rattrap: Look at yourself!
B/T: <Looking down> Holy shit!
Rattrap: That's what I said! Is that still you Blackarachnia?
B/T: Last time I checked...
Rattrap: The Virus wasn't set for you.... And you must have had Tarantulas' pattern left over from your Predicon days and... man oh man.
B/T: What the hell am I going to do!
Rattrap: I don't know, come on, lets get out of here.
Rattrap returns to beast mode and hops into the sewers.
Blackarachnia (still looking like Tarantulas) transforms and hops in after him. When he/she hits the water.. she returns to her Beast Machine's form.
Blackarachnia: What the? I'm back to my reformatted body.
Rattrap: Weird, the virus is supposed to stay stable.. Lets get you back to base.
Suddenly a steam vent covers Blackarachnia in hot water... and she ends up as Tarantulas again...
Blackarachnia: I'm beginning to see a pattern.
<Back at Meg's big place of Evil people>
Jetstorm: Hehe, Pikachu is so funny. "pika! Pika!" hahaha
Jetstorm: Oh shit.
<The Maximal Base>
Rattrap, and the Tarantulas looking Blackarachnia enter the area.
Rattrap: You better stay outside the door. I'll go in first. Eh, Optimus? Cheetor? Dickhea... I mean Nightscream?
Primal: <sitting in lotus position with back to door> What is it Rattrap? I'm becoming one with the matrix here! buddha buddha buddha...
Rattrap: We have a slight situation.
Primal: <turns and faces him> What is... oh my. This is new.
Rattrap: Old actually.
Primal: Whatever. Didn't we reformat you?
Rattrap: Yeah! Well, it sucked. Rattrap MAXIMIZE!
Rattrap returns to robot form.
Nightscream: What the hell? Who are you!
Rattrap: Shut up. <shoots Nightscream in the wing knocking Nightscream to the ground>
Cheetor enters gratuitously because everyone else was in on the action, and this is an ensemble show. I mean hey, we're trying to sell toys that won't be out until after Christmas...
Cheetor: Whoa, Rattrap. What the hell is going on?
Primal: Yes. Do explain.
Rattrap: Well, before I do, maybe you should see this.
Blackarachnia enters, looking like Tarantulas
Primal: HOLY PRIMUS!
Blackarachnia: I'm Blackarachnia, sorry about this.
<Meg's house of eternal badness>
Jetstorm: But Megatron! I was just about to...
Megatron: That was four hours ago! Yessss...
Jetstorm: Yeah, but it's Pokemon....
Megatron: Enough, insolent whelp! <Megatron retreats>. It looks as though I may need to create a new Vehicon design... Yesss. A new approach... I must destroy them with what they hate the most... yessssss.....
Cheetor: So, Hot water turns her into Tarantulas, and cold water returns her to normal.
Cheetor: Can I have some pie now?
Rattrap: No bumblebee, you can't.
Cheetor: I AM NOT BUMBLEBEE! <Runs away>
Primal: That still doesn't explain why Megatron's virus doesn't effect you. How can you function?
Rattrap: Well, as far as I can guess the Jusenkyo virus keeps it out of my system...
Nightscream: Why is Blackarachnia changing?
Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the wing.
Rattrap: Shut up flyboy.
Primal: You really have to stop doing that. And get back into beast mode for the sake of Primus!
<A voice from above>: Too late for that!
The Maximals look up and see a blurry yellow car shape falling towards them...
Blackarachnia (now back in regular form): BumbleBee?
Voice: Not quite.
What lands in front of her, can only be described as SCARY.
Voice (to the tune of "Larger than Life"): Hey Max-i-mals can't you
see, can't you see?
Cheetor (who is miraculously back): Oh my god, it's BumbleBee with Nick from the Backstreet Boy's head on it!
Rattrap: He looks exactly like he did in that Larger than Life Video.
Nightscream: You do realize that we aren't supposed to know this stuff....
Rattrap: Shut up! <shoots Nightscream in the wing>
NickBee: I am NickBee! And my drones will finish you off. BumbleCons! Attack!
A stream of yellow drones enter the room.
Primal: I recommend running.
Cheetor: I'm a fan of that!
The Maximals run like Hell
>To be Continued
Next time on The Lost Episodes:
NickBee: Quit playing games, Everybody! (NickBee's back!)