Dear Wisconsin Assembly,

Greetings everyone. This letter is in regards to your passing of AB 475 (which if it passes the Senate and you override Doyle's likely veto will redefine marriage to be strictly between one man and one woman) Thursday on October 23rd by a 68-28 margin. But first off, let me just take a second to inform you that this letter was first published as an "Open Letter" sort of deal in the Eau Claire campus's student news magazine, The FlipSide, on October 29th.

Now then, I think you guys did a great thing. It's good to know we have representatives like you, fighting to uphold the meaning we have conventionally held for the institution of marriage. The fact is, the truth is, marriage is a contract entered into by a man and a woman, and gays have no business thinking they have the same rights with that.

Now, I know you were trying to take the focus off that, but c'mon... We can put aside our little facades for just a little bit and get down to the meat of it. I mean, like you, I am not comfortable with all them fairies running around, trying to secure the same rights we have.

Okay, we lost the whole "separate but equal" thing with the Africans. Nowadays we got them and all those other races running around with the rights we were given. Ain't nothing we can do about it either. But, like I was telling my buds, we can still hold back queers from laying claim to equal marriage rights. I think you'll agree with me when I say it just ain't right to let a couple queer-boats enter into a marriage, and then all the queer-boats that want it down the road. Let's be serious--it would just about validate their whole way of life.

To the author of the bill, Rep. Mark Gundrum (R-New Berlin), I have to say I really admired it when you said, ""Marriage is the foundation of our society. It has been since the dawn of time. We shouldn't tinker with that." Man, you are doing a great job obscuring the issue. I admire especially how you try to set up marriage (between men and women only, goes without saying) as being synonymous with the cornerstone of our society, instead of something like, say, liberty, or the idea that all men are created equal. That's genius dude! You'll get people thinking like, "Whoa! We might totally like fall apart if we mess with marriage! It's our cornerstone! What if we break something?!?!" Genius, man!

Or then when you said: "Same-sex marriage is not legal in any state. Yet. This [bill] makes it more difficult for judges(...)to dictate the laws people will live under." Like WHOA! You paint them judges like they're out to tear down the whole works! You even had me going for a second, wondering what laws have already been dictated by 'em! And even more than that, you make it sound like this bill would even protect laws that completely fall outside the scope of it from those rascally judges!

One more thing I gotta say... I think you oughta try and quiet some of the opponents of your bill. Some of the things they've been saying, well, seem a bit dangerous.

Rep. Lorraine Seratti (R-Florence), you'll remember when Rep. Tom Hebl (D-Sun Prairie) said to you, "[the intent of this bill is] to rally those homophobic zealots you call your supporters." Now, first thing, I don't see what call he has to criticize my position on faggots. I am a law-abiding member of this country (not a drop but Polish and German, thank you very much).

But this guy here really takes the cake. First off, he's openly gay! Gay! But just look at this: This gay, Rep. Mark Pocan (D-Madison), was quoted as saying, "[this bill] says people who are gay or lesbian are second-class citizens." Like, WOW! BINGO, MY MAN! Isn't that just hilarious? And he also said, "There is something this bill accomplishes, and that is it increases hate." Well, sure. But the great thing is it legitimizes hate. But anyway I wanted to ask ya--could you maybe redefine the law against making threats and intimidation so it applies only when victims are straight folks?

I'm getting to the end here, so...c'mon...you can tell me... It gave you a little rise, didn't it? Slamming the door on all those fags, I mean. Well it should. I think it should. You guys really "hit one for the team," and you've got a right to feel good about yourselves.

(Quotes taken from JSOnline and The Daily Cardinal.)