I have solved this country's mental problems. You can stop paying money, stop waiting in line, and stop talking to a softspoken
stop sign in a suit and coat, lying in a couch other people have probably pissed, or at the very least sweated, on from fear. A simple step by step process, as outlined here, is the key. Feel free to follow along as I instruct:
- Stand in bedroom in front of largest available mirror, naked.
- Gaze at naked body.
- Go "take a nap."
- Return to mirror.
- Begin conversation with self, such as:
Self: "What are you looking at?"
Mirror: "What makes you think I'm looking at anything?"
Self: "Hey, what's your fucking problem?"
Mirror: "What's my fucking problem? I'm not the one with (crippling self-doubt, obsessive-compulsive disorder, self-fondling, Oedipal syndrome, bestiality, [insert mental psychosis of choice here], or getting your degree)."
Your mind holds more schizophrenic personalities than you can imagine. You have different actors in yourself, each with their own ideas, dreams, lives, and forms they make their surrounding world conform to. A diagnosed schizo is just someone who has become tired of denying this. But instead of relaxing themselves gradually, they just give up and break down in a second.
You think I'm wrong? Do you act the same in front of your true friends as you do your "office buddies"? Women and men? Children and adults? And, the greatest extreme, between your secure home and the dangerous world? Each of these people are in your mind. They are each a part of you. They each have standards that you're not measuring up to. When you fail, trying a new, exciting situation, you feel failure in all of these people. And even when you succeed at something, you're only succeeding in ONE of their standards, so you still feel failure even then.
The secret is to make one personality that is applicable to every situation. One person, with one personality, with one set of goals to achieve. You need to confront your personalities with each other. But instead of "killing" your identities, leaving you with whichever maniac was the strongest, you can learn things from each of them and make one new person that's everything you want to be.
What's making the asshole so confident? What's holding the paranoid back? What makes the sex fiend so smooth? Find out everything that seems like a good idea and incorporate it into yourself, out of the best of everything you come in contact with.
I've been to four different psychologists, and I've learned more from the movies
Taxi Driver and
The Shawshank Redemption and the books
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest,
The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, and
A Clockwork Orange then I ever did from paid professionals.
You can do everything a psychologist does, but by yourself. With intelligence, and patience. Or at the very least with a friend to help.
But remember the naked part. That's important.
