MW: Ok, so here's the deal. We're not total dorks, we just can't come up with a name for a column. So all of you e-mail whitemat@uwec.edu or biedermj@uwec.edu with a really cool name for an old-school video game review column, and the person who submits the best title will have the honor of seeing it run in every issue from now on. We need all your submissions by Tuesday the 10th, by say, oh, how 'bout midnight. You know you want to see your awesome title in print.

Anyhow, as you can see, we're starting our column off right with one of the most classic of classics: Super Metroid. I'll let Mr. Biedermann take it first, then come back and tell you my opinion. We'll each be rating the games on a scale of one to ten, with one being total donkey poop and ten being an amazing, death-defying headrush of a videogame. Have fun.

MB: Alright, I'm going to be real honest upfront--I have spent more hours of my life playing Super Nintendo than my experience on all other systems combined. I strongly believe that it has the best selection of games of any system, ever. And in my opinion, Super Metroid is right at the top of that list of awesome games.

I first played Super Metroid quite a while after it was released, and I was still impressed with the graphics. They're very detailed for a Super Nintendo game, and surpass many later games in terms of quality. The environments look surprisingly realistic, and the enemy monsters actually look pretty damn gross and scary. Also, the animation when the main character Samus dies is something I remember fairly well, because it was the closest thing I'd ever seen to nudity when I was a kid (her suit explodes and she's left in a bikini).

As far as gameplay goes, it wasn't anything very innovative; it just took a tried and true set of controls that were often used in platform games, and refined it to make it even more responsive than any of those other platform games. Which was fine by me, especially since numerous parts of this game would have been nearly impossible otherwise. Some of the jumps and swarms and patterns of enemies still remain difficult for me to fight through to this day.

And, indeed, I'm still playing this game today. Of all the games I've ever played, Super Metroid has the most replay value. I've played through it probably 5 times, and it never gets old. I still play it nearly every time I go home for the weekend. Overall, this game is truly one of the best games ever made. If you can find it, it's still worth picking up. Super Metroid is a game that has truly stood the test of time.

Rating: 9.5/10

MW: Three words: Just. Freakin'. Awesome.

Super Metroid was and is one of the best games on the market. From the opening battle with the gigantic space dragon Ridley, through repeated encounters with gruesome enemies and terrifically rendered space monster bosses, and up to the final grueling showdown with the Mother Brain of Planet Zebes, heroine Samus Aran's third adventure will forever stand out as one of her finest.

The stories in videogames always interest me, and this one has a tale to tell. In a plot that is relatively complex for a videogame, Samus is sent to the planet Zebes in search of a stolen baby Metroid alien, which the galactic governments fear may be being genetically enhanced for use as a weapon. Her search takes her deep into the planet, through amazing underground biospheres like Norfair, the fire world, which shimmers with heat and contains huge areas of impassable terrain, to a sunken spaceship that crashed into the ocean and is now inhabited by a strange technological ghost. Her final battle pits her against the alien intelligence which rules Zebes in a dramatic battle for the captured Metroid.

Gameplay in Super Metroid is addictive. Say what you will about Everquest, Super Metroid started the tradition of spending hours on end staring a screen. Zebes is huge, and the more you explore, the more you are rewarded, often with stronger weapons or tools that can be used to explore further. The controls are natural and easy to learn, and Samus has a remarkable range of abilities to exploit in the furtherance of your quest. The most deceptively simple tool in the game, the Grappling Beam, has a multitude of uses, some of which are not immediately apparent.

The game takes about three to six hours to complete, with different endings depending on how quickly you beat the game. The replay value can be found in trying the game for speed, then for item collection, then for exploration, and so on. Each time the game presents a different side of itself to the player, and each time is a different experience.

The huge levels, the wicked scary bosses, the simple-yet-rewarding controls, and the addictive gameplay all add to a massive and highly impressive game. Hours of searching and battle lead to a massive final fight and an impressive closing animation. You can't beat it with any new game on the market, and no game that came before it was anywhere near as good. Beyond a doubt, this one's a:

Rating: 10/10