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Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes
The FAQ!

Some people don't get my jokes.  This is because I have a habit of referencing miscellania traced back to a single line said by a character, or an actor's history, or plain stupid stuff that I see everyday. Some of these answers were provided by me (TRH), and some by The Orange.  Orange only answered questions about Episode 5, Episode 10/13, One of the Episode 9's (I forget), and Mr. Ngo.  Maybe he's answered more... but I really don't care.

Last Updated 5/27/02, 8:10 PM Central Time, for no good reason at all.

The Bob Skir FAQ Moment was moved to the bottom of the page

Q. Blackarachnia and the Jusenkyo Virus?
A. Venus Terzo has performed many characters over the years.  One of her more famous is the voice of Female Ranma in the English Dub of Ranma 1/2.  Ranma is a guy who changes into a girl when hit with cold water.  It's a curse caused by getting dunked in a cursed spring at the Jusenkyo training ground.  Hence the Jusenkyo virus.  Although played by a different voice actress originally, Terzo made the character complete.  The Line "I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry about this" was never spoken by Terzo, but it just seems to fit.

Q. NickBee?  Where the Hell did you get that?
A. The Backstreet Boys "Larger than Life" video features 'Nick' in Bumblebee getup with yellow drones behind him.  Figure it out.

Q.  What's with Thrust referring to Highlander Characters when he's injured? (Duncan, Amanda, Methos, etc.)
A. Jim Byrnes, the actor who voices Thrust, was made famous playing the character Joe Dawson on the Highlander series.  Jim is a great actor, and like Terzo, I'm making references to other roles played by them.  Don't worry, I won't have Thrust play the guitar or anything....

Q.  Who is Spqqky?
A.  Spqqky is a seller on eBay who tends to get Transformers toys before they come out on the mass market.  He makes a killing off this as there are enough people out there who are willing to pay in excess of 1600% for a toy just to get it before everyone else.

Q.  Why is it spelled so funny?
A.  Because it looks cool.

Q.  How do you even say that?
A.  "Spqqky," duh.  Sound it out.

Q.  If Jetstorm was transported into the past in Episode 5, then shouldn't the Great War have been going on, and not toy selling?
A.  Uh, well... the toy manufacturers were, um... merchandising on the Great War!  Yeah, that's it!  Trying to keep the minds of the little brats -- I mean *children* -- off the nasty business going on about them.  No, no, that's not it.  Wait!  He was, uh, transported in a transwarp module with an experimental quantum power source... which, uh... changed his quantum signature, like in Star Trek, you know?  He crossed over dimensions!  Well, that's how Worf did it, and he and Troi got it ON!

Q.  In Episode 5, how can rain turn Blackarachnia into Tarantulas when *cold* water turns her female and *hot* water turns her male?
A.  Uh... it rains really *hot* on Cybertron.

Q.  Again, in Episode 5, who are these Crawley and Geever people?
A.  They are a couple of dudes that The Orange and Phil Bond know from High School.  Orange and Phil only just found out they were even TransFans when they ran into them at Botcon '99.  They can probably be seen slummin' around State Street in Madison, Wisconsin every so often.

Q.  Who are Phil Bond and The Orange?
A.  ... you have to ask?  The Orange is head honcho of the Boogaloo and TransFan extraordinaire.  Phil, while not as cool and froody as The Orange (fruity, even, if one considers the citrus-y nature of the pseudonym), he is a dude in his own right.  Go here  and here  for a better run-down.

Q.  Well, then who the hell is Traegorn RavenHawk (aka Trægonis)?
A. Dude, if you don't know that by now get the f*** off this page.  I mean really, Click on the "Author" link on the left if you don't know that.
[Update: Things have changed a bit on the site, but the "Authors" link will still get you info on TRH, but now Orange as well]

Q. Who is Mr. Bamt based off of?
A. I will now tell you the tale.  All names have been changed to hide the identities of the goons involved. There was a guy on the Beast Machines board at Ben Yee's, I mean Bee Yen's page.  The guy called him/herself (It was never established) SOULST... I mean EQUALNOX, yeah, that's the ticket.  Anyway, they cluttered the board, acted like a child, and appointed themself "Guardian of the Board".  So we made fun of him here.  Oh yeah, he insisted that the Moletank was a new General.

Q.  In Episode 6, why is Unicron's head still in orbit of Cybertron in the Lost Episodes, when it got blown away in season 3 of G1?
A. Uh.... Shut up you.  It was funny though, wasn't it?  Little old Diagnostic Drone pushing as hard as he could...  You can blame that one on me (TRH).  Even thought The Orange wrote that one, the Unicron head thing was my idea.

Q. In Episode 4, you admit that you might be following the official timeline with the Silverbolt/Waspinator issue.  Who is who in Lost Episodes?
A. Well, that's a damned good question.  I don't know yet.  I DON'T KNOW! AHHHHHHHHH!  I mean, Jeez, whatever's more convenient or amusing for me.  If I can write a scene where we describe how Thrust and Jetstorm switched sparks during a game of Canasta, so be it.  Other than that, who's who will be a mystery.  And a better kept one than the blatant "This one goes to the handsome gentleman with the Silver wings" kind.

Q. What Happened to "Me Tankorr"?  You announced it over a month ago...
A. Me Tankorr was the first fanfic for Beast Machines Lost Episodes that was written by The Orange  that, well, sucked.  It had some good bits that were salvaged and placed in other stories.  As you can see, The Orange got a second chance, and has redeemed himself as an author.  Bleah.

Q. Will Cheetor take over in The Lost Episodes?
A. NO! NO NO NO!  I'd have Rattrap take over long before Cheetor >Wink<.  Oh, damn it, now I'm turning into Bob Skir....

Q. Is The Orange taking over Writing Duties?
A. No, he's not.  Not completely anyways.  I, Traegorn RavenHawk, started the Lost Episodes.  I will never leave them (unless they end completely).  The reason it looks like the "Newest" stuff is written by The Orange is because we released the Episodes out of order.  As in, Episode 5 went online not to long after Episode 3, and Episodes 4 and 6 went online at the same time.  Will The Orange write episodes 7 and 8?  Who knows.  I'm already planning ahead for my next Cybertronian Excursion....

Q. Why is the Diagnostic Drone called Bob Skir?
A. I thought it was funny.  I mean, come on, the drone has a habit of bringing in things that are merely plot devices (Megatron's Beast mode, etc...).  I like to think of him as the bug to squash as a writer.  They character who Manipulates the people who are manipulating him... Oh well...

Q. Who is Benny, and what is up with him combining with Mr. Bamt?
A.  Well, we could call him a Headmaster, but that would require the use of his head... But I digress.  See Total Recall, ya' freak!  Jeez.  If you see the movie, then you'll understand.

Q.  Y2k didn't cause disaster, yet you still have Phil Bond battling an Apocalyptic world.  What gives?
A. Ok, for one, can't you just imagine Phil battling an Apocalyptic world with nothing but a G1 Megatron toy gun?  I mean, come on!  By the way, this shall bring up my (TRH) argument that Y2k caused the Death of Optimus Prime.  You see, Optimus wasn't Y2k compliant, so his system crashed when it hit.  Perceptor tried to rebuild him, but did a crappy job.  A job so crappy, that it left him with a weak spot in his shoulder.  A spot so weak, that even one blast of Megatron (that he could previously laugh off) could kill him.  Now I shall pour sugar in your mother's gas tank.

Q. I heard a Rumor that there is a secret Lost Episodes project to create a CGI version of NickBee, and that they plan on using it to take over the world?
A. No and Yes... I mean, Yes and no! Yes and no!  Damn.  Well, in truth, we've been playing around with some programs (Poser 4, Ray Dream Studio, etc.) to throw together a possible CGI NickBee... What would we do with it?  Probably make it dance and laugh to ourselves.  Nothing useful my friends, nothing useful.  And I already rule the world.  Sheesh, Clinton is an animatronic puppet I keep in my basement.

Q. Why are Episodes 7 and 8 hosted on a different server?
A. Okay, when the Orange writes an episode, he first uploads it to the Boogaloo server, I copy it over to my server, and then I link it.  I felt like skipping that middle step this time.  You got a problem with that? (Actually, they aren't anymore -- but they were for a few weeks)

Q. In Episode 8, what the hell is Blackarachnia doing to Silverbolt!?!?!?!?!?!?
A. If I have to tell you....   She's actually just scratching him behind the "ears", I mean, come on... This is *Silverbolt*, not Rattrap...

Q. In Episodes 7 & 8, Silverbolt shows up, but which Vehicon is he?  You never say!!
A. The Orange is a bitch.  Get over it. >grin<.

Q. Why does Nightscream at one point say "oot" instead of "out"?  Is that a typo, or is he Canadian.
A. Oddly enough, I had the same question.  The Orange insists that it was on purpose, and the Nightscream is a Canadian.  No wonder he is such a bitch.  He gets the new episodes before Rattrap does. (Rattrap with the Brooklyn slang in the REAL show's Episode 6...)

Q. Can you guys Quit with the Pie stuff?  And what's with the "Starscream's Gay" thing you guys just did?  Are you TRYING to be TFWW?
A. Okay, I tried to make the Orange not use too many TFWW jokes.  I mean, I guess it was my fault.  I started bringing in the Pie jokes (An obvious TFWW rip... I mean, homage), but Orange boy just had to make the Starscream is Gay joke.  Sheesh.

Q. What's wrong with NickBee in Episodes 7/8, why is he acting so weird?
A. The organic ooze has a strange effect on NickBee -- you see, only his Head is organic.  So it kind of got him drunk in a sense....

Q. What's up with the whole Episode 9a, 9b/10, etc?
A. They all overlap, so they are sort of the same episode, but sort of not.

Q. Wait a second, Phil Bond isn't the guy who bought Jetstorm from Spqqky on eBay...
A. May I remind you, that this is a fanfic. A FANFIC I TELL YOU!

Q. Hey, I was just wondering what would happen if Blackarachnia got hit by lukewarm water?  Would she get turned into Pat of Saturday Night Live fame?
A. No, it would return her to Blackarachnia form.

Q. Also is the Jusenkyo Virus an STD (servotronically transmitted disease)?  It'd be a better excuse than that stupid goo to bring Silverbolt in for cameos (for some reason I keep expecting him to spout "Ha-Ha, Comet Guy!" but that's just me).
A. Okay, no.  No no no.  The Jusenkyo "virus" is really based off of the fictional Jusenkyo Cursed Springs.  If you are unfamiliar with Ranma 1/2, then you'll just have to accept that 1. No one is going to catch it 2. BA can't get rid of it.

Q. What happened to Unicron and/or Megatron/Galvatron?  Why hasn't The Orange killed Bob Skir for taking his G1 Megatron yet?
A. All will be revealed.... kidding.  All that stuff will be dealt with in Season 2 of the Lost Episodes (Which will premiere in September).  And Orange hasn't killed him, because though I (TRH) have brought myself in as an omnipotent being, Orange has himself as a side character.

Q. Why was Orange going to Waukesha?
A. Hehe... Wouldn't you like to know.

Q. When is Episode 10/13 coming out?
A. Might be a little while.  But be patient -- it will be worth the wait.  It will be cowritten by Orange and myself (TRH), and probably end up being the longest Lost Episode you've ever seen. It's gonna rock.
So, it already came out.  Happy now?

Q. Why did Tankorr bring Phil Bond to Cybertron in the first place?
A. To make Megatron worry.  Tankorr WAS going to set up Optimus and Megatron so that they would destroy each other, but due to the event in Episode 5 - A Day in the Life (of Jetstorm), he decided to throw Phil into the mix.  It's for this reason that the Diagnostic drone suggests to Megatron that they attack Phil on Earth.  That way, a majority of Megatron's forces are preoccupied, weakening Megatron to the point where they can be effective against Megatron.  Then Tankorr can come in and take over.  Doesn't quite work out that way, though.

Ep 10/13

Q. Why is Megatron trying to destroy Phil Bond?
A. Megatron likes control, and he can't control Phil.  Basically, Phil is an unknown to Megatron and as such Megatron doesn't want to take any chances.  The Maximals, on the other hand, have proven their inability to do anything to Megatron for an entire season, so he can afford to divert his attention to this new menace.

Q. What is the deal with Blackarachnia jumpstarting the Plasma Energy Chamber with her "ghetto-booty?"
A. This was taken from the line in her bio, "Two stinger legs disrupt/overload any electronic system."  This is exactly what Plasma Energy does to technologically-based life forms.  From what we've seen in the show, the effect of her stingers looks a LOT like Plasma Energy, so I we theorized that she has a miniature Plasma Energy generator inside her massive abdomen, hence it's size.  I hope that clears things up.

Q. Is Mr. Bamt really dead?
A. Yes.  And no.  It's kinda complicated.  I'm sure episode 14 will only confuse you further, so for now let's just say we have *big plans* for Benny...

Q. What happened to the tank drones that were sent to Earth to destroy Phil?
A. The same thing that happened to Jetstorm, they ended up in Spqqky's clutches (that's how he gets ALL his toys so early, didn't you know?).  Instead of selling them on eBay, he decides to send them on a raid in Washington D.C., as chronicled in the Phil Bond side story, Mr. Ngo.  As for what happens to them after that... well...

Q. Who the heck is THUGGED_OUT?
A. Just some guy who went around terrorizing message boards.  Don't worry, he got what he deserved... heh heh...

Q. Why did Optimus get mad when he saw Marv Wolfman's treatments for Beast Wars season 4?  Didn't he like them?
A. Quite the contrary, he was so angry that it was so skewered into what Beast Machines became that he just... lost it.

Q. Who the heck are Chas and Mick?
A. They are characters in an as of yet unpiblished book that TheOrange has written called, believe it or not, "1013: End of the Line" (Happy coincidences...).  Since the criteria for existing in that novel's universe and the Lost Episodes universe are so similar, and since they take place in about the same time frame, we figured that they should make a cameo.

Mr. Ngo

Q. How do you pronounce the title?
A. "Mr. No."  It's a play on "Dr. No."  Geez people, wasn't the "Ngo Fear" joke a big enough hint?

Q. Why is Spqqky trying to destroy the U.S. toy industry.
A. Didn't he explain it well enough himself?  Heck, the guy put up a Shockaract on eBay weeks before BotCon 2000, is there anything he WOULDN'T do?

Q. Where did Spqqky get all those tank drones from?
A. Didn't you read Episode 10/13?  They were sent to Earth by Megatron to destroy Phil Bond.  Heck, if it weren't for four certain Autobots, they would have succeeded!

Q. What's the deal with "Tommy?"
A. Well, in case you didn't pick up on the BROAD hints, Tommy is Agent Ngo (again, pronounced "No").  Tommy, Bergstorm, and Fritz are real people that TheOrange is in Track with at UW Eau Claire.  Tommy never shows up for practice, so this is a sort of roundabout way of explaining why.  Orange has never actually shown the fic to him, though.

Q. Why is Agent Ngo singing "Secret Asian Man?"  Isn't it "Secret Agent Man?"
A. Uh, 'cuz he's and Asian-American?  Subtle, people, very subtle.

Q. Who's Chris Deschane?
A. A guy TheOrange went to High School with.  He opted to join the armed forces instead of go off to college.  Orange has always wondered why he never heard from him after that...

Q. What's the deal with Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Jazz, Perceptor, the Afro/timer, and the Magenta vortex?
A. One thing at a time.  The Autobots are Skidders, from the Transformers World's Worst storyline, Lost Worlds.  Since a new fic hasn't been added to that storyline since -- oh -- about April, Orange thought he'd let everyone know how their favorite Skidders were doing.  As for the Afro, it belonged to Alternate Universe Soundwave.  As for the Magenta Vortex... any time anything bad happened in Sliders, the vortex/einstien/rosen-bridge was magenta-colored.  Go figure.

Q. What the @#$& is the deal with Andy Kaufman?
A. Orange has a little story for you: Okay, I'll (TheOrange) admit it now.  The bit where Phil Bond is in the Agency is based loosely off of a dream I once had where I was Phil Bond, and Chris Deschane came into my room at "The Agency" looking for porn.  We got orders to evacuate the president, so that's where the underground tunnel to the Oval Office comes in.  Then I encounter another Phil Bond, and since it's not possible for two Phils to exist in the same space/time, I had a mental breakdown.  That's when the technician with us, who looked exactly like Andy Kaufman, starting babling incoherently and disappeared.  Then the dream frayed at the edges and melted away.  It was just a movie being played by Andy/Jim Carrey.  Everyhing that happened in the fic with him is almost ver batim what happened in the dream.  Truth.  I'm so ashamed...

Back to the Regular Questions:

Q. Why don't you guys ever update?
A. Shut up.

Q. I mean, when the heck is a new episode gonna come out, you freaks! BM has been over for a while!

Q. Will you guys write a episode using my [characters/plot idea/stupid suggestion], or can I write it as a Lost Episode myself?
A. No.  Write it yourself and make your own damned continuity..  I mean, when I wanted to write a Fanfic, I didn't go e-mail my ideas to Pic and Perc at TFWW.  I went and created my own.  Do it yourself, that's the whole point of Fanfiction.  Lost Episodes is more than a TF Fanfic these days as well, so *no*, you can't use our name.

Q. What's with the title to "Geever and Crawlet AREN'T Dead"?
A. That episode is titled after Tom Stoppard's "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead", a brilliant play that looks at two of the side characters from Hamlet, and retells the story from their perspective.  The entire episode is laden with homages to Stoppard's play.  Tom Stoppard ROCKS!

Q. What is "Go Go Cactus Man"?
A. It's a song from Cowboy Bebop - played whenever a character named "Andy" enters.  Just watch the episode, and you'll know why it's funny.

Q. In "No Need for Blackarachnia", why the hell does Obsidian build a High school?
A. Yeah, I think it's dumb too.  What the hell was Orange smoking?  Anyways, it's part of an elaborate Ranma reference.  This is what happens when you guys demand new episodes when we are straining for ideas. The "Black Thunder", Roses, and "Pigtailed girl" are all references to it.  I will, again, restate that while Venus Terzo did play female Ranma in the dub, she did not voice the character in the episode(s) that are being directly spoofed here.  This is getting mildly ridiculous.

Q. Why do you keep spelling Stryka/Strika differently?
A. Because The Orange and I (TRH) disagree on the spelling.  Plain and simple. It's like the whole Tankor(r) debate.

Q. Why are the Dinobots Predacons?   Don't the toys say they are Maximals?
A. Okay, first off, most of the Dinobot toys from the Beast Machines lines are repaints of either American or Japanese Predacons.  Combine that with the fact that Beast Machines has all but ignored the existance of Predacons... well, we felt the need to create a counter to Primal who'd fight Megatron - but have a different point of view.

Q. What are Obsidian and Stryka reciting at the begining of Episode 20?
A. Watch the Utena series.  That will explain it.  But don't watch the Utena movie. That'll just make your head go 'splodey.

Q. What the hell are 'Carrotrons'?
A. Little robot Carrot thingies.  No, they're not like the Carrot robots from Lexx - oddly enough, they aren't actually a reference to ANYTHING.  Just a weird idea that Orange had.

Q. What are Botanica and Blackarachnia doing at the begining of Episode 20?
A. Just a Rosarch test. 

Q. Back to Episode 20... what the hell is with combining Primal, Red Bike shorts, and a pink wig??
A. Yet another Utena reference.  Y'know, he's trying to "revolutionize the world".... It's funny, dammit, now laugh!  Laugh dammit!  Ah welll.... you can't win them all...

Q. Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku?
A. Absolute Destiny Apocolypse, baby.

Q. "Shadow Girls"?
A. More Utena.  At this point, I'm just goingt to say that if there's something in Episode 20 you don't understand, and I don't address it in the FAQ... Assume it's an Utena reference and stop thinking about it.

Q. Episode 21 isn't funny.
A. What's your point?  It wasn't supposed to be.  Think of it as a little bit of reality setting in for our characters.  They are mortal, and WON'T survive every time they get shot.  Deal.

Q. Why doesn't Nightscream get shot in Episode 22?
A. He doesn't show up.

Brawn Never Dies

Q. What's the deal with the title?
A. Aside from being a play on the James Bond film "Tomorrow Never Dies", the title specifically refers to people who refuse to believe that Brawn died in Transformers: The Movie where the Decepticons boarded the Autobot shuttle and made everyone inside go 'splodey.  There's contention as to the death of Brawn because he only got shot in the shoulder, but died anyway.  That, and his tech specs specifically name him as being immune to the type of weapon that Megatron uses.  Meh.

Q. So Brawn is alive?
A. No.  Yes.  Maybe.  It's probably the most debated aspect of the Transformers mythos aside from RIRFIB FIRRIB.  Brawn didn't have a coffin in the G1 Season 3 episode Dark Awakening, which also happens to be the first post mortum appearance of Optimus Prime.  As for Brawn, however, there's a perfectly fantastic tale about his Death/Not-Death written by Transformers World's Worst collaborator, David Willis [ ].

A. Rumble is Red Frenzy is Blue, Frenzy is Red Rumble is Blue.  The toys and comic book claim the former, and the TV show claims the latter.  Everyone has their preference.

Q. So obviously FIRRIB is correct, right?
A. We're not going to get into that now.  Nor ever.

Q. Who is Renaud?  And what's the deal with those evil moderators?
A. Renaud Lefebvre is the proprietor of and  He is infamous in the fandom for the way he runs his message board, etc. etc.  Our Renaud is a fictional character based on the exaggeration of these claims and in no way is meant to represent the real man.  But we do think it's really funny.  We don't take this stuff seriously.  Do you?

Q. Why did Renaud claim to have past dealings with Phil Bond?
A. Why indeed?  Maybe it's because Phil realy is a secret agent who's had his memory wiped in order to protect The Agency, so he doesn't remember.  Or maybe he's not the real Phil Bond.  Anyone who's read "You Only Phil Twice" knows the answer to that.

Q. What's with Phil's new outfit?
A. It was from a picture that Dave "Machina" Reynolds drew of Phil to look more like Solid Snake.  We just kind of ran with it.  It seemed to be a good outfit for an excursion to the sub-arctic tundra that is Quebec, Canada.

Q. What's up with Herb Kohl?
A. Herb Kohl is a U.S. Senator representing Wisconsin.  In the previous story, Mr. Ngo, he was used to "bait" Phil to test his prowess as a secret agent, Willy Wonka style.  It just seemed logical, in that illogical sort of way, to continue his influence in the Phil Bond story.

Q. Speaking of which... Chaunkah Hebrew?  Do you WANT to get sued?
A. Hey!  It was a holiday story!  And making Christmas episodes is so cliche.  Besides, we had already used Herb Kohl, so it only made sense to bring in our other Senator.  You should have seen the ads for Feingold's campaigns in 1992.  Come on, it was worth it for that "grain of salt" joke wasn't it?  ...wasn't it?

From India With Love

Q. Who is Daler Mendhi?
A. He's a Punjabi artist turned Pop star from India.  He first came to our attention on April Fool's Day 2001 when a music video of his from a song called "Tunak Tunak Tun" was joking passed off as the title sequence to the upcoming Robots in Diguise series.  A good time was had by all.

Q. Okay.  So... WHY Daler Mendhi?
A. Come on, have you SEEN these videos?  There's something about that pudgy man in a turban that seems to get all of the women in his videos hot and bothered.  Who better to be a Bond villian than this guy?

Q. Why is everyone so surprised to see PrimeX?
A. PrimeX was a lackey of Spqqky in Mr. Ngo, and perhaps Phil's greatest personal foe.  He was whisked away in a magenta vortex, along with all the tank drone toys, when the Skidders from TFWW showed up in a conveniently plot-driven moment.  In Sliders, the inspiration for the spoof Skidders, whenever a magenta vortex swallowed something whole it was meant to show plot-wise how incredibly dangerous the situation was.  No one ever returned from a magenta vortex.  But when the Sliders changed wormholes, suddenly every episode was a magenta vortex episode, which I guess is more artistic irony than an oversight.  PrimeX actually found his way home, which is a no-no in any cross-dimensional story.

Q. Jeremiah Isthar?
A. It occurred to me that Chris might not appreciate me using his name, so this allows him to become his own character rather than a terribly unfunny in-joke.

Q. Come on... a hooker?
A. This is actually a funny story.  It had been intended to include the pickup of the hooker for quite a while when the REAL Phil Bond had a very similar experience that was actually better than the written one.  So it was changed to reflect the real world situation a little more closely.  Still, the fiction came first, not the actual event.  Yet another case of life imitating art.  Well, if you can call it art...

Q. Why does Liz hate Angelina Jolie so much?
A. Do you have to even ask?

Q. What did PrimeX do to Liz's Scorponok toy?
A. He enhanced its "hug" mode, making it a lethal killing machine.  Of course, it missed Phil, its originally intended target, and hit Mendhi instead.

You Only Phil Twice

Q. Wasn't the real Phil Kevin Spacey in From India With Love?
A. Yes.  But if James Bond isn't the same actor from movie to movie, why should Phil Bond be consistent from story to story?

Q. Wouldn't it have been funnier if the real Phil Bond was someone that could have never been mistaken for our Phil?
A. Probably.

Q. So what's Edward Norton's story?
A. Phil defected to CAINE, the Canadian version of The Agency, where he supposedly met and befriended Renaud (from "Brawn Never Dies"), and later betrayed CAINE in favor of furthering his burgeoning acting career.

Q. Who's Nick Dudycha?
A. Nick Dudycha (pronouced "Dude-ick-a", hence the joke) is someone TheOrange knows from track who he promised would be a Bond villain in his next story.  He sort of kept that promise.  And yes, people really made fun of his name like that.

Q. William Shatner?  Leonard Nimoy?  What the hell?
A. Well, The Boss's story is more or less self-explanatory as to the nature of the Agency, but the character of Leonard Nimoy was both a "Return of the King" gag and a play on Spock's role in wanting to "reunify" Vulcans with their cousins the Romulans.  In this case, AABEL and CAINE respectively.

Q. Ben Folds?
A. Did you never see those Priceline commercials?

Q. Was there a point to any of this?
A. Yeah.  It's time to wipe away the old storyline in favor of a newer, better one.  One that makes more sense.  One that's not riddled with in-jokes.  And the beginning of the end of that starts with Robots in Disguise: The Lost OAV!

That's it for now.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.  The Lost Episodes will have it's...

Bob Skir FAQ Moment!
[Applause] Note: This moment is done to make fun of Bob Skir, not Dru Mellon.  Sorry if we insult you Dru, we don't mean it! It's just the only fan e-mail we've gotten and we've been waiting soooo loooong to make this joke....  WE LIKE DRU, and we are pathetic little Fan boys in real life with no place to make fun of anyone besides ourselves.

Q. [First we start out with a Non-question, which is really just a Fan letter]
I'm a slight BM fan, but I have to say your website is one of the funniest  things I have ever read in my entire life!  You hit upon all the flaws perfectly.  I just want to say thanks for sharing this with the world.
A. [And now, our response to the non-question which flatters us further, while not providing anything relevant and somehow demeans or insults the fan who wrote it to us] Why Thank you Dru, we here at the Lost Episodes are happy that we can join your pathetic little life for at least a few minutes a week.  We understand how important we are in the vast scheme of things, and for someone as unimportant as you to notice means a lot to us.  We'll be sure to name our first Gerbil after you.  Right before we feed it to the snake.


Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes
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