Machines: The Lost Episodes
Some people don't get my jokes.
This is because I have a habit of referencing miscellania traced back to
a single line said by a character, or an actor's history, or plain stupid
stuff that I see everyday. Some of these answers were provided by me (TRH),
and some by The Orange. Orange only answered questions about Episode
5, Episode 10/13, One of the Episode 9's (I forget), and Mr. Ngo.
Maybe he's answered more... but I really don't care.
Last Updated 5/27/02, 8:10 PM Central Time, for no good reason at all.
The Bob Skir FAQ Moment was moved to
the bottom of the page
Q. Blackarachnia and the Jusenkyo Virus?
A. Venus Terzo has performed many
characters over the years. One of her more famous is the voice of
Female Ranma in the English Dub of Ranma 1/2. Ranma is a guy who
changes into a girl when hit with cold water. It's a curse caused
by getting dunked in a cursed spring at the Jusenkyo training ground.
Hence the Jusenkyo virus. Although played by a different voice actress
originally, Terzo made the character complete. The Line "I'm Ranma
Saotome, sorry about this" was never spoken by Terzo, but it just seems
Q. NickBee? Where the Hell did
you get that?
A. The Backstreet Boys "Larger
than Life" video features 'Nick' in Bumblebee getup with yellow drones
behind him. Figure it out.
Q. What's with Thrust referring
to Highlander Characters when he's injured? (Duncan, Amanda, Methos, etc.)
A. Jim Byrnes, the actor who voices
Thrust, was made famous playing the character Joe Dawson on the Highlander
series. Jim is a great actor, and like Terzo, I'm making references
to other roles played by them. Don't worry, I won't have Thrust play
the guitar or anything....
Q. Who is Spqqky?
A. Spqqky is a seller on
eBay who tends to get Transformers toys before they come out on the mass
market. He makes a killing off this as there are enough people out
there who are willing to pay in excess of 1600% for a toy just to get it
before everyone else.
Q. Why is it spelled so funny?
A. Because it looks cool.
Q. How do you even say that?
A. "Spqqky," duh. Sound
Q. If Jetstorm was transported
into the past in Episode 5, then shouldn't the Great War have been going
on, and not toy selling?
A. Uh, well... the toy manufacturers
were, um... merchandising on the Great War! Yeah, that's it!
Trying to keep the minds of the little brats -- I mean *children* -- off
the nasty business going on about them. No, no, that's not it.
Wait! He was, uh, transported in a transwarp module with an experimental
quantum power source... which, uh... changed his quantum signature, like
in Star Trek, you know? He crossed over dimensions! Well, that's
how Worf did it, and he and Troi got it ON!
Q. In Episode 5, how can rain
turn Blackarachnia into Tarantulas when *cold* water turns her female and
*hot* water turns her male?
A. Uh... it rains really
*hot* on Cybertron.
Q. Again, in Episode 5, who are
these Crawley and Geever people?
A. They are a couple of dudes
that The Orange and Phil Bond know from High School. Orange and Phil
only just found out they were even TransFans when they ran into them at
Botcon '99. They can probably be seen slummin' around State Street
in Madison, Wisconsin every so often.
Q. Who are Phil Bond and The Orange?
A. ... you have to ask?
The Orange is head honcho of the Boogaloo and TransFan extraordinaire.
Phil, while not as cool and froody as The Orange (fruity, even, if one
considers the citrus-y nature of the pseudonym), he is a dude in his own
right. Go here
for a better run-down.
Q. Well, then who the hell is
Traegorn RavenHawk (aka Trægonis)?
A. Dude, if you don't know that
by now get the f*** off this page. I mean really, Click on the "Author"
link on the left if you don't know that.
[Update: Things have changed a bit on the site, but the "Authors" link
will still get you info on TRH, but now Orange as well]
Q. Who is Mr. Bamt based off of?
A. I will now tell you the tale.
All names have been changed to hide the identities of the goons involved.
There was a guy on the Beast Machines board at Ben Yee's, I mean Bee Yen's
page. The guy called him/herself (It was never established) SOULST...
I mean EQUALNOX, yeah, that's the ticket. Anyway, they cluttered
the board, acted like a child, and appointed themself "Guardian of the
Board". So we made fun of him here. Oh yeah, he insisted that
the Moletank was a new General.
Q. In Episode 6, why is Unicron's
head still in orbit of Cybertron in the Lost Episodes, when it got blown
away in season 3 of G1?
A. Uh.... Shut up you. It
was funny though, wasn't it? Little old Diagnostic Drone pushing
as hard as he could... You can blame that one on me (TRH).
Even thought The Orange wrote that one, the Unicron head thing was my
Q. In Episode 4, you admit that you
might be following the official timeline with the Silverbolt/Waspinator
issue. Who is who in Lost Episodes?
A. Well, that's a damned good question.
I don't know yet. I DON'T KNOW! AHHHHHHHHH! I mean, Jeez, whatever's
more convenient or amusing for me. If I can write a scene where we
describe how Thrust and Jetstorm switched sparks during a game of Canasta,
so be it. Other than that, who's who will be a mystery. And
a better kept one than the blatant "This one goes to the handsome gentleman
with the Silver wings" kind.
Q. What Happened to "Me Tankorr"?
You announced it over a month ago...
A. Me Tankorr was the first fanfic
for Beast Machines Lost Episodes that was written by The Orange that,
well, sucked. It had some good bits that were salvaged and placed
in other stories. As you can see, The Orange got a second chance,
and has redeemed himself as an author. Bleah.
Q. Will Cheetor take over in The Lost
A. NO! NO NO NO! I'd have
Rattrap take over long before Cheetor >Wink<. Oh, damn it, now
I'm turning into Bob Skir....
Q. Is The Orange taking over Writing
A. No, he's not. Not completely
anyways. I, Traegorn RavenHawk, started the Lost Episodes.
I will never leave them (unless they end completely). The reason
it looks like the "Newest" stuff is written by The Orange is because we
released the Episodes out of order. As in, Episode 5 went online
not to long after Episode 3, and Episodes 4 and 6 went online at the same
time. Will The Orange write episodes 7 and 8? Who knows.
I'm already planning ahead for my next Cybertronian Excursion....
Q. Why is the Diagnostic Drone called
A. I thought it was funny.
I mean, come on, the drone has a habit of bringing in things that are merely
plot devices (Megatron's Beast mode, etc...). I like to think of
him as the bug to squash as a writer. They character who Manipulates
the people who are manipulating him... Oh well...
Q. Who is Benny, and what is up with
him combining with Mr. Bamt?
A. Well, we could
call him a Headmaster, but that would require the use of his head...
But I digress. See Total Recall, ya' freak! Jeez. If
you see the movie, then you'll understand.
Q. Y2k didn't cause disaster,
yet you still have Phil Bond battling an Apocalyptic world. What
A. Ok, for one, can't you just
imagine Phil battling an Apocalyptic world with nothing but a G1 Megatron
toy gun? I mean, come on! By the way, this shall bring up my
(TRH) argument that Y2k caused the Death of Optimus Prime. You see,
Optimus wasn't Y2k compliant, so his system crashed when it hit.
Perceptor tried to rebuild him, but did a crappy job. A job so crappy,
that it left him with a weak spot in his shoulder. A spot so weak,
that even one blast of Megatron (that he could previously laugh off) could
kill him. Now I shall pour sugar in your mother's gas tank.
Q. I heard a Rumor that there is a secret
Lost Episodes project to create a CGI version of NickBee, and that they
plan on using it to take over the world?
A. No and Yes... I mean, Yes and
no! Yes and no! Damn. Well, in truth, we've been playing around
with some programs (Poser 4, Ray Dream Studio, etc.) to throw together
a possible CGI NickBee... What would we do with it? Probably make
it dance and laugh to ourselves. Nothing useful my friends, nothing
useful. And I already rule the world. Sheesh, Clinton is an
animatronic puppet I keep in my basement.
Q. Why are Episodes 7 and 8 hosted on
a different server?
A. Okay, when the Orange writes
an episode, he first uploads it to the Boogaloo server, I copy it over
to my server, and then I link it. I felt like skipping that
middle step this time. You got a problem with that? (Actually, they
aren't anymore -- but they were for a few weeks)
Q. In Episode 8, what the hell is Blackarachnia
doing to Silverbolt!?!?!?!?!?!?
A. If I have to tell you....
She's actually just scratching him behind the "ears", I mean, come on...
This is *Silverbolt*, not Rattrap...
Q. In Episodes 7 & 8, Silverbolt
shows up, but which Vehicon is he? You never say!!
A. The Orange is a bitch.
Get over it. >grin<.
Q. Why does Nightscream at one point
say "oot" instead of "out"? Is that a typo, or is he Canadian.
A. Oddly enough, I had the same
question. The Orange insists that it was on purpose, and the Nightscream
is a Canadian. No wonder he is such a bitch. He gets the new
episodes before Rattrap does. (Rattrap with the Brooklyn slang in the REAL
show's Episode 6...)
Q. Can you guys Quit with the Pie stuff?
And what's with the "Starscream's Gay" thing you guys just did? Are
you TRYING to be TFWW?
A. Okay, I tried to make the Orange
not use too many TFWW jokes. I mean, I guess it was my fault.
I started bringing in the Pie jokes (An obvious TFWW rip... I mean, homage),
but Orange boy just had to make the Starscream is Gay joke. Sheesh.
Q. What's wrong with NickBee in Episodes
7/8, why is he acting so weird?
A. The organic ooze has a strange
effect on NickBee -- you see, only his Head is organic. So it kind
of got him drunk in a sense....
Q. What's up with the whole Episode
9a, 9b/10, etc?
A. They all overlap, so they are
sort of the same episode, but sort of not.
Q. Wait a second, Phil Bond isn't the
guy who bought Jetstorm from Spqqky on eBay...
A. May I remind you, that this
is a fanfic. A FANFIC I TELL YOU!
Q. Hey, I was just wondering what would
happen if Blackarachnia got hit by lukewarm water? Would she get
turned into Pat of Saturday Night Live fame?
A. No, it would return her to Blackarachnia
Q. Also is the Jusenkyo Virus an STD
(servotronically transmitted disease)? It'd be a better excuse than
that stupid goo to bring Silverbolt in for cameos (for some reason I keep
expecting him to spout "Ha-Ha, Comet Guy!" but that's just me).
A. Okay, no. No no no.
The Jusenkyo "virus" is really based off of the fictional Jusenkyo Cursed
Springs. If you are unfamiliar with Ranma 1/2, then you'll just have
to accept that 1. No one is going to catch it 2. BA can't get rid of it.
Q. What happened to Unicron and/or Megatron/Galvatron?
Why hasn't The Orange killed Bob Skir for taking his G1 Megatron yet?
A. All will be revealed.... kidding.
All that stuff will be dealt with in Season 2 of the Lost Episodes (Which
will premiere in September). And Orange hasn't killed him, because
though I (TRH) have brought myself in as an omnipotent being, Orange has
himself as a side character.
Q. Why was Orange going to Waukesha?
A. Hehe... Wouldn't you like to
Q. When is Episode 10/13 coming out?
A. Might be a little while.
But be patient -- it will be worth the wait. It will be cowritten
by Orange and myself (TRH), and probably end up being the longest Lost
Episode you've ever seen. It's gonna rock.
So, it already came out. Happy
Q. Why did Tankorr bring Phil Bond to
Cybertron in the first place?
A. To make Megatron worry.
Tankorr WAS going to set up Optimus and Megatron so that they would destroy
each other, but due to the event in Episode 5 - A Day in the Life (of Jetstorm),
he decided to throw Phil into the mix. It's for this reason that
the Diagnostic drone suggests to Megatron that they attack Phil on Earth.
That way, a majority of Megatron's forces are preoccupied, weakening Megatron
to the point where they can be effective against Megatron. Then Tankorr
can come in and take over. Doesn't quite work out that way, though.
Q. Why is Megatron trying to destroy
A. Megatron likes control, and
he can't control Phil. Basically, Phil is an unknown to Megatron
and as such Megatron doesn't want to take any chances. The Maximals,
on the other hand, have proven their inability to do anything to Megatron
for an entire season, so he can afford to divert his attention to this
Q. What is the deal with Blackarachnia
jumpstarting the Plasma Energy Chamber with her "ghetto-booty?"
A. This was taken from the line
in her bio, "Two stinger legs disrupt/overload any electronic system."
This is exactly what Plasma Energy does to technologically-based life forms.
From what we've seen in the show, the effect of her stingers looks a LOT
like Plasma Energy, so I we theorized that she has a miniature Plasma Energy
generator inside her massive abdomen, hence it's size. I hope that
clears things up.
Q. Is Mr. Bamt really dead?
A. Yes. And no. It's
kinda complicated. I'm sure episode 14 will only confuse you further,
so for now let's just say we have *big plans* for Benny...
Q. What happened to the tank drones
that were sent to Earth to destroy Phil?
A. The same thing that happened
to Jetstorm, they ended up in Spqqky's clutches (that's how he gets ALL
his toys so early, didn't you know?). Instead of selling them on
eBay, he decides to send them on a raid in Washington D.C., as chronicled
in the Phil Bond side story, Mr. Ngo. As for what happens to them
after that... well...
Q. Who the heck is THUGGED_OUT?
A. Just some guy who went around
terrorizing message boards. Don't worry, he got what he deserved...
Q. Why did Optimus get mad when he saw
Marv Wolfman's treatments for Beast Wars season 4? Didn't he like
A. Quite the contrary, he was so
angry that it was so skewered into what Beast Machines became that he just...
Q. Who the heck are Chas and Mick?
A. They are characters in an as
of yet unpiblished book that TheOrange has written called, believe it or
not, "1013: End of the Line" (Happy coincidences...). Since the criteria
for existing in that novel's universe and the Lost Episodes universe are
so similar, and since they take place in about the same time frame, we
figured that they should make a cameo.
Q. How do you pronounce the title?
A. "Mr. No." It's a play
on "Dr. No." Geez people, wasn't the "Ngo Fear" joke a big enough
Q. Why is Spqqky trying to destroy the
U.S. toy industry.
A. Didn't he explain it well enough
himself? Heck, the guy put up a Shockaract on eBay weeks before BotCon
2000, is there anything he WOULDN'T do?
Q. Where did Spqqky get all those tank
A. Didn't you read Episode 10/13?
They were sent to Earth by Megatron to destroy Phil Bond. Heck, if
it weren't for four certain Autobots, they would have succeeded!
Q. What's the deal with "Tommy?"
A. Well, in case you didn't pick
up on the BROAD hints, Tommy is Agent Ngo (again, pronounced "No").
Tommy, Bergstorm, and Fritz are real people that TheOrange is in Track
with at UW Eau Claire. Tommy never shows up for practice, so this
is a sort of roundabout way of explaining why. Orange has never actually
shown the fic to him, though.
Q. Why is Agent Ngo singing "Secret
Asian Man?" Isn't it "Secret Agent Man?"
A. Uh, 'cuz he's and Asian-American?
Subtle, people, very subtle.
Q. Who's Chris Deschane?
A. A guy TheOrange went to High
School with. He opted to join the armed forces instead of go off
to college. Orange has always wondered why he never heard from him
Q. What's the deal with Sideswipe, Sunstreaker,
Jazz, Perceptor, the Afro/timer, and the Magenta vortex?
A. One thing at a time. The
Autobots are Skidders, from the Transformers World's Worst storyline, Lost
Worlds. Since a new fic hasn't been added to that storyline since
-- oh -- about April, Orange thought he'd let everyone know how their favorite
Skidders were doing. As for the Afro, it belonged to Alternate Universe
Soundwave. As for the Magenta Vortex... any time anything bad happened
in Sliders, the vortex/einstien/rosen-bridge was magenta-colored.
Q. What the @#$& is the deal with
A. Orange has a little story for
you: Okay, I'll (TheOrange) admit it now. The bit where Phil Bond
is in the Agency is based loosely off of a dream I once had where I was
Phil Bond, and Chris Deschane came into my room at "The Agency" looking
for porn. We got orders to evacuate the president, so that's where
the underground tunnel to the Oval Office comes in. Then I encounter
another Phil Bond, and since it's not possible for two Phils to exist in
the same space/time, I had a mental breakdown. That's when the technician
with us, who looked exactly like Andy Kaufman, starting babling incoherently
and disappeared. Then the dream frayed at the edges and melted away.
It was just a movie being played by Andy/Jim Carrey. Everyhing that
happened in the fic with him is almost ver batim what happened in the dream.
Truth. I'm so ashamed...
Back to the Regular Questions:
Q. Why don't you guys ever update?
A. Shut up.
Q. I mean, when the heck is a new episode
gonna come out, you freaks! BM has been over for a while!
A. I SAID SHUT UP!
Q. Will you guys write a episode using
my [characters/plot idea/stupid suggestion], or can I write it as a Lost
A. No. Write it yourself
and make your own damned continuity.. I mean, when I wanted to write
a Fanfic, I didn't go e-mail my ideas to Pic and Perc at TFWW. I
went and created my own. Do it yourself, that's the whole point of
Fanfiction. Lost Episodes is more than a TF Fanfic these days as
well, so *no*, you can't use our name.
Q. What's with the title to "Geever
and Crawlet AREN'T Dead"?
A. That episode is titled after
Tom Stoppard's "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead", a brilliant play
that looks at two of the side characters from Hamlet, and retells the story
from their perspective. The entire episode is laden with homages
to Stoppard's play. Tom Stoppard ROCKS!
Q. What is "Go Go Cactus Man"?
A. It's a song from Cowboy Bebop
- played whenever a character named "Andy" enters. Just watch the
episode, and you'll know why it's funny.
Q. In "No Need for Blackarachnia", why
the hell does Obsidian build a High school?
A. Yeah, I think it's dumb too.
What the hell was Orange smoking? Anyways, it's part of an elaborate
Ranma reference. This is what happens when you guys demand new episodes
when we are straining for ideas. The "Black Thunder", Roses, and "Pigtailed
girl" are all references to it. I will, again, restate that while
Venus Terzo did play female Ranma in the dub, she did not voice the character
in the episode(s) that are being directly spoofed here. This is getting
Q. Why do you keep spelling Stryka/Strika
A. Because The Orange and I (TRH)
disagree on the spelling. Plain and simple. It's like the whole Tankor(r)
Q. Why are the Dinobots Predacons?
Don't the toys say they are Maximals?
A. Okay, first off, most of the
Dinobot toys from the Beast Machines lines are repaints of either American
or Japanese Predacons. Combine that with the fact that Beast Machines
has all but ignored the existance of Predacons... well, we felt the need
to create a counter to Primal who'd fight Megatron - but have a different
point of view.
Q. What are Obsidian and Stryka reciting
at the begining of Episode 20?
A. Watch the Utena series.
That will explain it. But don't watch the Utena movie. That'll just
make your head go 'splodey.
Q. What the hell are 'Carrotrons'?
A. Little robot Carrot thingies.
No, they're not like the Carrot robots from Lexx - oddly enough, they aren't
actually a reference to ANYTHING. Just a weird idea that Orange had.
Q. What are Botanica and Blackarachnia
doing at the begining of Episode 20?
A. Just a Rosarch test.
Q. Back to Episode 20... what the hell
is with combining Primal, Red Bike shorts, and a pink wig??
A. Yet another Utena reference.
Y'know, he's trying to "revolutionize the world".... It's funny, dammit,
now laugh! Laugh dammit! Ah welll.... you can't win them all...
Q. Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku?
A. Absolute Destiny Apocolypse,
Q. "Shadow Girls"?
A. More Utena. At this point,
I'm just goingt to say that if there's something in Episode 20 you don't
understand, and I don't address it in the FAQ... Assume it's an Utena reference
and stop thinking about it.
Q. Episode 21 isn't funny.
A. What's your point? It
wasn't supposed to be. Think of it as a little bit of reality setting
in for our characters. They are mortal, and WON'T survive every time
they get shot. Deal.
Q. Why doesn't Nightscream get shot
in Episode 22?
A. He doesn't show up.
Brawn Never Dies
Q. What's the deal with the title?
A. Aside from being a play on the
James Bond film "Tomorrow Never Dies", the title specifically refers to
people who refuse to believe that Brawn died in Transformers: The Movie
where the Decepticons boarded the Autobot shuttle and made everyone inside
go 'splodey. There's contention as to the death of Brawn because
he only got shot in the shoulder, but died anyway. That, and his
tech specs specifically name him as being immune to the type of weapon
that Megatron uses. Meh.
Q. So Brawn is alive?
A. No. Yes. Maybe.
It's probably the most debated aspect of the Transformers mythos aside
from RIRFIB FIRRIB. Brawn didn't have a coffin in the G1 Season 3
episode Dark Awakening, which also happens to be the first post mortum
appearance of Optimus Prime. As for Brawn, however, there's a perfectly
fantastic tale about his Death/Not-Death written by Transformers World's
Worst collaborator, David Willis [ http://www.itswalky.com/transformers/fanfic/brawn.html
Q. What's RIRFIB FIRRIB?
A. Rumble is Red Frenzy is Blue,
Frenzy is Red Rumble is Blue. The toys and comic book claim the former,
and the TV show claims the latter. Everyone has their preference.
Q. So obviously FIRRIB is correct, right?
A. We're not going to get into
that now. Nor ever.
Q. Who is Renaud? And what's the
deal with those evil moderators?
A. Renaud Lefebvre is the proprietor
of Bigbot.com and Bigbot.net. He is infamous in the fandom for the
way he runs his message board, etc. etc. Our Renaud is a fictional
character based on the exaggeration of these claims and in no way is meant
to represent the real man. But we do think it's really funny.
We don't take this stuff seriously. Do you?
Q. Why did Renaud claim to have past
dealings with Phil Bond?
A. Why indeed? Maybe it's
because Phil realy is a secret agent who's had his memory wiped in order
to protect The Agency, so he doesn't remember. Or maybe he's not
the real Phil Bond. Anyone who's read "You Only Phil Twice" knows
the answer to that.
Q. What's with Phil's new outfit?
A. It was from a picture that Dave
"Machina" Reynolds drew of Phil to look more like Solid Snake. We
just kind of ran with it. It seemed to be a good outfit for an excursion
to the sub-arctic tundra that is Quebec, Canada.
Q. What's up with Herb Kohl?
A. Herb Kohl is a U.S. Senator
representing Wisconsin. In the previous story, Mr. Ngo, he was used
to "bait" Phil to test his prowess as a secret agent, Willy Wonka style.
It just seemed logical, in that illogical sort of way, to continue his
influence in the Phil Bond story.
Q. Speaking of which... Chaunkah Hebrew?
Do you WANT to get sued?
A. Hey! It was a holiday
story! And making Christmas episodes is so cliche. Besides,
we had already used Herb Kohl, so it only made sense to bring in our other
Senator. You should have seen the ads for Feingold's campaigns in
1992. Come on, it was worth it for that "grain of salt" joke wasn't
it? ...wasn't it?
From India With Love
Q. Who is Daler Mendhi?
A. He's a Punjabi artist turned
Pop star from India. He first came to our attention on April Fool's
Day 2001 when a music video of his from a song called "Tunak Tunak Tun"
was joking passed off as the title sequence to the upcoming Robots in Diguise
series. A good time was had by all.
Q. Okay. So... WHY Daler Mendhi?
A. Come on, have you SEEN these
videos? There's something about that pudgy man in a turban that seems
to get all of the women in his videos hot and bothered. Who better
to be a Bond villian than this guy?
Q. Why is everyone so surprised to see
A. PrimeX was a lackey of Spqqky
in Mr. Ngo, and perhaps Phil's greatest personal foe. He was whisked
away in a magenta vortex, along with all the tank drone toys, when the
Skidders from TFWW showed up in a conveniently plot-driven moment.
In Sliders, the inspiration for the spoof Skidders, whenever a magenta
vortex swallowed something whole it was meant to show plot-wise how incredibly
dangerous the situation was. No one ever returned from a magenta
vortex. But when the Sliders changed wormholes, suddenly every episode
was a magenta vortex episode, which I guess is more artistic irony than
an oversight. PrimeX actually found his way home, which is a no-no
in any cross-dimensional story.
Q. Jeremiah Isthar?
A. It occurred to me that Chris
might not appreciate me using his name, so this allows him to become his
own character rather than a terribly unfunny in-joke.
Q. Come on... a hooker?
A. This is actually a funny story.
It had been intended to include the pickup of the hooker for quite a while
when the REAL Phil Bond had a very similar experience that was actually
better than the written one. So it was changed to reflect the real
world situation a little more closely. Still, the fiction came first,
not the actual event. Yet another case of life imitating art.
Well, if you can call it art...
Q. Why does Liz hate Angelina Jolie
A. Do you have to even ask?
Q. What did PrimeX do to Liz's Scorponok
A. He enhanced its "hug" mode,
making it a lethal killing machine. Of course, it missed Phil, its
originally intended target, and hit Mendhi instead.
You Only Phil Twice
Q. Wasn't the real Phil Kevin Spacey
in From India With Love?
A. Yes. But if James Bond
isn't the same actor from movie to movie, why should Phil Bond be consistent
from story to story?
Q. Wouldn't it have been funnier if
the real Phil Bond was someone that could have never been mistaken for
Q. So what's Edward Norton's story?
A. Phil defected to CAINE, the
Canadian version of The Agency, where he supposedly met and befriended
Renaud (from "Brawn Never Dies"), and later betrayed CAINE in favor of
furthering his burgeoning acting career.
Q. Who's Nick Dudycha?
A. Nick Dudycha (pronouced "Dude-ick-a",
hence the joke) is someone TheOrange knows from track who he promised would
be a Bond villain in his next story. He sort of kept that promise.
And yes, people really made fun of his name like that.
Q. William Shatner? Leonard Nimoy?
What the hell?
A. Well, The Boss's story is more
or less self-explanatory as to the nature of the Agency, but the character
of Leonard Nimoy was both a "Return of the King" gag and a play on Spock's
role in wanting to "reunify" Vulcans with their cousins the Romulans.
In this case, AABEL and CAINE respectively.
Q. Ben Folds?
A. Did you never see those Priceline
Q. Was there a point to any of this?
A. Yeah. It's time to wipe
away the old storyline in favor of a newer, better one. One that
makes more sense. One that's not riddled with in-jokes. And
the beginning of the end of that starts with Robots in Disguise: The Lost
That's it for now.
And now, the moment you've all been
waiting for. The Lost Episodes will have it's...
Bob Skir FAQ Moment!
[Applause] Note: This
moment is done to make fun of Bob Skir, not Dru Mellon. Sorry if
we insult you Dru, we don't mean it! It's just the only fan e-mail we've
gotten and we've been waiting soooo loooong to make this joke....
WE LIKE DRU, and we are pathetic little Fan boys in real life with no place
to make fun of anyone besides ourselves.
Q. [First we start out with a
Non-question, which is really just a Fan letter]
I'm a slight BM fan, but I have to
say your website is one of the funniest things I have ever read in
my entire life! You hit upon all the flaws perfectly. I just
want to say thanks for sharing this with the world.
A. [And now, our response to
the non-question which flatters us further, while not providing anything
relevant and somehow demeans or insults the fan who wrote it to us]
Why Thank you Dru, we here at the Lost Episodes are happy that we can join
your pathetic little life for at least a few minutes a week. We understand
how important we are in the vast scheme of things, and for someone as unimportant
as you to notice means a lot to us. We'll be sure to name our first
Gerbil after you. Right before we feed it to the snake.