Are you sitting there, scratching your head, wondering how to beat, or
even why you're playing Shaq Fu? Well, I'm here to help. With my
Shaq Fu skillz, even the stupidest player can look like a less stupid player.
Tip 1: Dealing
with the map Most people try to pick their first location by a logical process of
figuring out what mysterious fighter might show up there...
Don't do that. You'll make your head hurt. Wander around
until text shows up. Hit a button. Don't think, just do.
Tip 2: Kick
a lot Hit kick a whole lot. Then kick some more. Then kick even
more. Kick kick kick.
Tip 3: Punch
a lot Punch. Punch punch punch punch. PUNCH!
Tip 4: Keep
Punching Even When the Opponent is far away Keeps you from slowing down. And it looks cool. Looking
cool is part of the Shaq Fu way you know.
LIGHT PUNCH! Light PUNCH! Sorry, but the Light Punch school of thought (I shall
defeat you with only my light punch!) is a classic method applicable to
most fighting games.
Tip 6: Learn
a move on accident and keep using it I accidentally made Shaq's fist flame. Whoo! Flaming fist
Tip 7: Jump
around a lot They can't hit what they can't reach. Jump! Jump! Shaq Fu will
Tip 8: Don't
get hit Don't get hit. My health bar looks horrible in these shots, but
you try playing a fighting game with one hand while operating a PC to capture
the images with the other.
Tip 9: Be
kind to animals Animals like Shaq, so Shaq should like animals.
Tip 10: Kick
the Computer's ass, and then dance Do the Shaq dance! Do do do do!!!
Tip 11: Don't
Continue if "Prince" beats you. If "Prince" boy here beats you, quit. Turn it off.
Turn on TechTV and hope they dedicate more time to Jessica and Morgan.
Take up Model railroading. Go outside and ride a bike. Start
playing the stock market. See if you can hunt me down more games
for my Neo Geo Pocket... or a new Neo Geo Pocket since my old one got stolen.
Just stop playing Shaq Fu. You'll never develop any light-punchin'-Shaq-Fu-mad-skillz.
Anyone who dies against the Prince, well, is just hopeless. Put the
controller down. Please.
If you have any better tips for Shaq Fu.... STOP PLAYING
IT! You should never have deeper knowledge of this game. It means
you've been playing it WAAAAY too much. Shaq Fu should never be played
for more than ten minutes a week.
And never pay more than $2.95 for it. And try to talk them down
to fifty cents if you can.