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Do You Shaq Fu?
[ DYSF? ][ Introduction ][ Strategy Guide ][ The Story ]
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The Strategy Guide:
Are you sitting there, scratching your head, wondering how to beat, or even why you're playing Shaq Fu? Well, I'm here to help.  With my Shaq Fu skillz, even the stupidest player can look like a less stupid player.

Tip 1: Dealing with the map
Most people try to pick their first location by a logical process of figuring out what mysterious fighter might show up there...

Don't do that.  You'll make your head hurt.  Wander around until text shows up.  Hit a button.  Don't think, just do.

Tip 2: Kick a lot
Hit kick a whole lot.  Then kick some more.  Then kick even more.  Kick kick kick.

Tip 3: Punch a lot
Punch.  Punch punch punch punch.  PUNCH!

Tip 4: Keep Punching Even When the Opponent is far away
Keeps you from slowing down.  And it looks cool.  Looking cool is part of the Shaq Fu way you know.

Light PUNCH! Sorry, but the Light Punch school of thought (I shall defeat you with only my light punch!) is a classic method applicable to most fighting games.

Tip 6: Learn a move on accident and keep using it
I accidentally made Shaq's fist flame.  Whoo!  Flaming fist of justice!

Tip 7: Jump around a lot
They can't hit what they can't reach.  Jump! Jump! Shaq Fu will make you...

Tip 8: Don't get hit
Don't get hit.  My health bar looks horrible in these shots, but you try playing a fighting game with one hand while operating a PC to capture the images with the other.

Tip 9: Be kind to animals
Animals like Shaq, so Shaq should like animals.

Tip 10: Kick the Computer's ass, and then dance
Do the Shaq dance! Do do do do!!!

Tip 11: Don't Continue if "Prince" beats you.
If  "Prince" boy here beats you, quit.  Turn it off.  Turn on TechTV and hope they dedicate more time to Jessica and Morgan.  Take up Model railroading.  Go outside and ride a bike.  Start playing the stock market.  See if you can hunt me down more games for my Neo Geo Pocket... or a new Neo Geo Pocket since my old one got stolen.  Just stop playing Shaq Fu.  You'll never develop any light-punchin'-Shaq-Fu-mad-skillz.  Anyone who dies against the Prince, well, is just hopeless.  Put the controller down.  Please.

If you have any better tips for Shaq Fu.... STOP PLAYING IT! You should never have deeper knowledge of this game.  It means you've been playing it WAAAAY too much.  Shaq Fu should never be played for more than ten minutes a week.

And never pay more than $2.95 for it.  And try to talk them down to fifty cents if you can.

Trae Dorn
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